#at least I've got no time for feelings of loneliness while being at work

[m00ncrabcrap]

wow I am pretty easily irritable

poetry source: @gehmalzumbekka on Instagram

[cherryxblossxms]

Bedtime Relaxation

Lucifer x reader

: ̗̀➛ A/N: I don't give nearly enough love to my Luci, and I just wanted to write him being casual and simply wanting some loving from his MC. Not proofread and a bit of a rushed ending

: ̗̀➛ Warnings: fem afab reader, fluff and smut, no protection, neck kisses and a lil biting, praise, dirty talk, fingering, creampie, a bit of breeding, cockwarming; remember to pee after sexxxx; Lucifer is a tease but there's a lot of love~

: ̗̀➛ Word count: 3382 this was going to be short what happened

It wasn't unusual for you to go to bed alone most nights. When getting into your relationship with the Avatar of Pride, you knew what a workaholic he was. Thanks in part to his troublesome brothers, there was always work and bills to be looked over. The rest was thanks to Diavolo, having to review matters concerning R.A.D. on a near constant basis as an important member of the R.A.D. student council.

Any attempts to assist him were often met with stubborn refusals, but you fought against those with tooth and nail. Sometimes you managed to help decrease his workload, easing his burden at least a little bit. But you had to be honest with yourself that, more often than not, there was some paperwork that was simply too far above your head to manage. That's why tonight, you'd gotten ready— dressed only in one of his shirts as your pajamas— and slipped into bed all by yourself once more, your lonely sigh echoing in the empty room.

You were almost comedic looking amidst the bountiful sheets as the singular figure on your lover's massive bed. You knew Lucifer would always join you eventually, when his coffee ran out and his mind refused to look at any more papers, serving to fill the bed just a bit more. In fact, Lucifer often told you he slept better ever since you started sleeping by his side, so he always made sure you two were together during the night. But you still couldn't help the loneliness in your chest, and unfortunately, your day had been an exhausting one. It wasn't long before you had to succumb to sleep without him, missing his touch and dreaming of being in his arms.

You awoke some time later to movement on the mattress. You couldn't tell how much time had passed, but given how dark it was, you'd hazard a guess it was a few hours since you fell asleep. A cold hand made its way around your waist before a hard body pressed up against you from behind, spooning you close. Without looking, you knew immediately who it was, but that didn't stop you from angling your head back, trying to catch any kind of glimpse of your lover in the darkness.

"Lucifer?" You asked, almost involuntarily.

"Yes, it's me," he replied, and took the chance to kiss you softly before settling behind you. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I wanted to finish up my work and didn't realize how late it was. You can go back to sleep."

Your body rejoiced in that, wanting to return to your slumber as soon as possible. But your mind wanted otherwise. It had been a while since you'd gotten any quality alone time with the eldest demon, and even if it was brief, any time together was better than none at all.

You shook your head despite the darkness of the room, clutching to the arm around your body.

"That's ok, I want to stay awake a little longer. I've missed you." You hated how needy you sounded when you were tired, but it was the truth.

You could feel Lucifer chuckle rather than hear it, and another kiss was pressed to the back of your neck.

"I've missed you, too, my love," he said, nuzzling against you. "Nothing is right until you are in my arms like this." His words brought heat to your face, your heart aching with so much love for your hard-working demon.

Several more kisses followed, showered against your lips, your neck, and the curve of your ear, and everything in you wanted to purr at the feeling. His arm tightened around your middle, hips bumping your butt as he got as close as possible, and sparks came to life low in your belly. You couldn't help but squirm against him, his kisses and his touch always serving to rile you up in the best way, and you couldn't help but want more.

A well-placed bump of your butt into his groin made Lucifer grunt, and he retaliated with the drag of sharp canines against your skin, making you shiver. Any remaining sleepiness in you totally dissipated, replaced by the need for more. If Lucifer hadn't been holding you down, you would have turned around to get better access and deliver some kisses and bites of your own. So instead, the two of you settled for grinding and groping, your bodies heating up beneath the sheets.

Lucifer's nimble fingers quickly unbuttoned the shirt you were wearing, the pride and possessiveness within him swelling at seeing you wear his clothes— along with something else between his legs. A quick squeeze to your breast pulled a mewl out of you, and it was easy to arch up into his touch, encouraging him to continue.

With the heated, intimate atmosphere, you were quick to lose yourself in what was happening, especially as your lover's fingers squeezed and pinched at your nipples relentlessly. Having so little free time with your demon left you both needy, after all, and one thing always led to another rather quickly. But something nagged at the back of your mind, before suddenly springing forth in a tiny moment of clarity, making you gasp.

"Oh!" Lucifer's fingers stopped their movement at your exclamation. "Wait, aren't you working tomorrow? It must be so late, you need to rest."

Not that you wanted to stop, but the last thing you wanted was to be the cause of his sleep deprivation. An exasperated sigh blew across your skin, sending shivers down your spine.

"No, I'm not working tomorrow. And these long nights are exactly the reason I asked to take tomorrow off." That surprised you, causing you to glance back at him. You're sure if one of Lucifer's brothers had heard that, they would be surprised too; the eldest brother never took vacation, at least not before he met you. "I've been away from you for too long, and I plan to start making it up to you, my darling."

The fingers that had been teasing your breasts began sliding down your body at a tantalizing pace, kisses decorating the back and side of your neck again as he did so. After what felt like a torturously long time, but was likely mere seconds, he reached the apex of your thighs. You hadn't even realized the way your core was throbbing, aching for his touch.

He paused for just a second at the lack of underwear, before moving onward. A single, long finger separated your folds down the middle, teasing your hole before swiping up and just barely glancing your clit. You could feel your wetness, hear it even, before he even said anything, knowing just what exactly he was feeling, and a deep, seductive hum filled your ear as he seemed to voice your thoughts.

"Hmmm, see? You're so wet for me already," he said, lips pressed to your ear now. "I've been neglecting you, clearly, not taking care of my lover's needs like I should. It's only fair that I repay you what you're owed, pleasure you to your heart's content."

His words warmed your heart, while simultaneously feeding the throbbing in your clit, desperate for more of his touch. Lucifer's work usually took priority over many things, so you hadn't expected him to think about it like this. Not that you didn't appreciate it, though.

"You haven't been neglecting me, Luci," you said. "I know how important your work is, I knew that when we got together, and you know that I support you still."

Another hum in your ear, but he stayed silent, letting you continue.

"I just want you to be able to relax a little, so you don't burn out. You haven't been neglecting me, so you don't have to take time off just to please me. Although, that means so much to me."

A beat of silence passed, and you opened your mouth to question his silence before that same long finger suddenly swiped over your clit, your slick on his finger making it glide with ease. The motion made you jolt, drawing a slight moan from your lips.

"Ahh— hey!" You protested, grabbing his arm.

He waited another moment before repeating the movement, but this time making slow, leisurely circles around the sensitive bud. Your thighs opened involuntarily, giving further access to your heat, and you couldn't help the shuddering moan you let out.

"And what if I said that me taking time off is actually for a selfish purpose?"

The words only half registered in your mind, basking in the stimulation he was giving you, and it didn't help you understand them any better.

"While it happens to be for pleasing you, I'm taking time off because I wanted to feel you beneath me all night... and all day," Lucifer teased, pleased with your reactions to his ministrations. "Instead of the sound of pen scratching on paper, I wanted to hear you moan my name until you lost your voice. And instead of feeling the cold loneliness of my study, I wanted to feel your sweet, warm little pussy squeezing my cock."

You couldn't help the groan that came out. If you could orgasm from words and voice alone, you knew that line would have done it.

"So give in to me, my love, and let me pleasure you like I've been aching for," he purred into your ear.

Your lover always knew exactly what to say, and although you were still concerned about his exhaustion and the late hour, you were beginning to lose the battle of willpower against his masterful fingers. As much as you wanted to insist that he rest, you had to admit his argument was... compelling. You finally sighed as you gave in the pleasure, relaxing against your lover as his hand continued.

"Fine," you said, reaching back to place your hand on Lucifer's cheek. "Give it all to me."

Lucifer didn't waste a second before plunging two of his fingers into you, sufficiently slick from your arousal. The heel of his hand ground against your clit simultaneously, and the pressure was heavenly. He set a good rhythm, mind-meltingly good, making you whimper from the pleasure, and a sharp cry was drawn out as he found and attacked the most sensitive spot along your walls. A moment later, a third finger slid in, working on opening you up, and you couldn't resist rocking your hips against him in response. Your hip ached from holding your leg up for him, but you couldn’t be bothered to care until you got your orgasm.

You could feel your climax building already, the lack of touch from his long working nights making you extra sensitive to it now. And your lover had all of you memorized, every moan and tremble, every little spot that made you cry his name and gush arousal.

"My sweetheart is getting so tight for me, you're already going to cum?" Lucifer asked, as if he didn't already know the answer. You could hear the smirk in his voice.

You just whined in response, pushing your butt back into him, feeling his clothed erection straining behind you.

Lucifer huffed, keeping up his pace. "Look at you, you can't even answer me. I can feel how close you are, though, how badly you want this."

And he was right, you were rapidly approaching the edge. The sounds of your wetness filled the quiet room, and your body felt blazing hot. You couldn't imagine what kind of mess was between your legs as he continued playing with your cunt.

Just as you could feel your pleasure begin to peak, his fingers suddenly stopped, simply stuffing your pussy instead. The orgasm he'd been working you towards instantly began to slip away, and you tried to rock your hips again, desperate to chase it. But Lucifer anticipated your move, removing his fingers all together, and the action made you want to cry.

Wasn't he just telling you about how he wanted you to cum??

Your lover shifted behind you, but you were too at a loss to think of what he was doing. It wasn't until you felt his bare, solid length between your thighs, eagerly pressing against you and getting covered in your slick, did you realize he was preparing to take you. And as expected, Lucifer began to rock his hips forward slowly, dragging his length through your folds. His heat and his size were intoxicating, and as if you weren't already a mess from his fingers, his length was doing wonders against you.

Each time he drew back, you could feel the mushroom head press towards your entrance, and you hoped he’d finally slide in and fuck you like he promised. But your hopes were dashed as he simply moved forward again, bumping your clit instead, seemingly unaware of your growing desperation. The man was teasing you, and it drove you nuts the way he knew exactly how to press your buttons.

"Luciiiiii," you whined.

Lucifer squeezed you close, chuckling low in his chest. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “It sounds like you want something.”

“Wh– Of course I want something!" You protested. "I was going to cum and you just stopped! You just said you want to please me, and now you're teasing me instead."

"I don't believe the two are mutually exclusive." This made you huff, your eyes rolling hard in your head. "Don't be mistaken, my love. I'm going to make sure you cum as much, and as hard, as possible in the next 24 hours. But a little denial helps to sweeten the deal, doesn't it?"

You hated that he was right. Orgasms with Lucifer were powerful, and it was all thanks to his devastating combination of denial then reward. Whether it was because he was a demon, or because he had potentially hundreds of years of experience, you weren't sure. All you knew was that Lucifer could play you like his favorite instrument, and make you sing like no one else possibly could. All you could do was whine softly in response, Lucifer continuing to tease his length against you at a leisurely place until you said otherwise.

Just as you were ready to explode at him, however, you finally felt his tip press to your entrance. All the teasing and prep made it easy for him to slide in, his mushroom tip popping past the first ring of muscle with ease, making you gasp softly, but he took his time pressing in, making sure you were comfortable.

“Ohhhh, fuck…”

Even with the prep, he always gave you a good stretch, and as he bottomed out, that delicious full feeling was incomparable. The mutual relief of finally feeling each other effectively silenced you both, and all you could hear for a moment was your combined heavy breaths.

That first thrust was heavenly.

He gave you a moment to get adjusted before slowly pulling out, almost all the way, then pushed forward again. The gift of long-anticipated friction drew an involuntary moan out from your lips, the first of many for the night, and it spurred your lover on to up his pace. Once Lucifer knew you were okay, one of his arms wrapped around your waist, holding you close against him as his hips started moving faster.

You reached an arm back to touch his hip, feeling the pull of his muscle as he moved, and focused on the feel of his cock pumping between your walls. You closed your eyes, reveling in your relief and your pleasure.

“Mmh, there’s my good girl. You feel so good, so warm and wet for me,” Lucifer groaned in your ear. You couldn’t help the way it made you tighten around him, drawing a grunt from him as he pushed forward, and you certainly couldn’t help the gush of arousal that came forth, either.

Suddenly, he stopped as he adjusted the angle, raising your one leg up and moving closer, seemingly trying to find the right spot before resuming his thrusting. And he’d evidently found what he was looking for as his cock seemed to reach a new depth in you, pressing against a particularly sensitive spot deep within and immediately pulling out a cry from your lips.

“Ah, there it is,” he said, and you could hear the smug tone in his voice.

Whatever it was, he was relentless as he focused his thrusts towards it. Each press of his cock hit that same spot, just a little painful but overwhelmingly pleasurable. It was like he’d pressed the off button to your nerves, rendering your limbs as spaghetti as he increased his pace once again, your legs now forced apart by his own limb to keep that deep access. The sound of the bed rocking and heavy breathing filled the air, only adding to the close, sensual atmosphere.

“Ngh, Luciiii, it’s t-too deep,” you managed to say, your words stuttered by the thrusting. But Lucifer wasn’t giving any mercy, feeling the way your pussy hugged his cock told him everything he needed to know, keeping up his pace against your body.

“I know you can take it, love. You always take me so well. Just a little bit longer, we’re almost there.” True enough, the change in angle had you rocketing towards your climax now, that familiar pressure building up in your pelvis, and you found yourself rocking your hips in time with Lucifer seeking out the end. His own pace was beginning to suffer, clearly approaching his own end too, and you wanted to hold on long enough to meet that orgasmic crash together.

Right as you thought this, however, two nimble fingers found their way between your legs once more. Before you could even think to say anything, Lucifer’s fingers found your clit, soaked and throbbing for attention, and began to rub devastating circles on the sensitive nub. Any remaining thoughts scattered at once, the attention to your clit and the rough, deep thrusts all that were occupying your mind now, your climax closer than ever. It was all you could do to hold onto him for dear life, little whispers of “yes” and “please” escaping your lips as your pleasure began to peak.

At the same time, Lucifer pressed his lips to the side of your neck, his sharp canines denting your skin and threatening to break through. “Ohhhhh yes, cum with me, love, I can feel it. I want you to milk me, I’m going to fill you up so well, fill you with every drop I have. Cum with me,” he muttered, his pleas ending in a rush of words before his climax finally hit.

As he came, Lucifer bit down on your neck, holding you still as he grunted against your skin. You could feel the sudden rush of warmth deep inside, the sign of his cum painting your walls, and between all the sensations and the thought of taking his seed, it finally made your climax crash over you too. You couldn’t help the loud moan you let out, squeezing hard on your lover’s cock and milking him exactly as requested.

You were both a mass of trembling limbs as you rode out your orgasms, Lucifer’s hips gently rocking against you and working his seed deeper even as he started to soften inside you. You squirmed as it began to overstimulate you, and he finally, blessedly, stopped his movements. Your mind wasn’t yet back together, unable to say anything in the aftermath, but your demon lover seemed much the same, simply nuzzling your skin and kissing where he’d bit you.

He leaned up a little and his lips finally met yours, kissing you softly. Ideally, you knew you should get up and clean yourself up, but that delicious climax and the warmth of Lucifer’s body were calling you back to sleep. It didn’t help that your lover’s arms were wrapped around your waist, holding you close to him like he was afraid you’d leave. As the darkness came to swallow you up, you figured, fuck it. Maybe just this once, you could indulge yourself, happy in the thought that your lover would be there to greet you tomorrow.

Comments and reblogs are appreciated 💜

[masterjedilenawrites]

Take Me Out

Bad Batch x Reader Exchange 2024

Crosshair x fem!reader | 4.7k words

Content: drinking, light angst, introspection, fluff, light humor, crushes, relationships, friendship, mentions of war and death, weapons (practice setting)

Prompts: "What am I even looking for?" - "I don't know" & "Sometimes I think some work on your communication skills wouldn't be such a bad idea."

My gift is for the event host - @ghostofskywalker! I was so excited to draw your name and I really hope you enjoy the fic. You put so much work and care into hosting these events for the fandom, it really is appreciated 🤗

I've actually had this story concept in mind for quite a while. I love that pretty much all of your prompts/wish-list items were able to fit in! We've got some platonic Hunter, romantic Crosshair, a little angst, a bit of fluff... Perfect!

Oh, and to keep things spoiler free (on my blog and for the event), this takes place before Order 66 and Omega.

Please go check out the @cloneficgiftexchange blog for all the other contributions to this great event! Fics are being posted all throughout today (4/13/24). Spread the love for fandom writers/creators by reblogging!

Vandor-3. Clone training facility: recreation sector. Winter.

You sat slumped over the bar, a drink cradled in your arms. You took lazy sips at the liquid, long past its effervescence, in between chewing on the straw. You could smell the evidence of your waning hygiene, being curled in on yourself like this. It disgusted you but not enough to do anything beyond self loathing. To say you were miserable was an understatement.

"Morning, Captain. A bit early for a drink, isn't it?"

The husky voice of the bar's newcomer was unmistakeable in who it belonged to. There were clones abound on this small moon, hundreds of identical-sounding men. But every once in a while you had the pleasure of hearing the one that was different.

You sluggishly swiveled your head and gave Sergeant Hunter a mock salute. He leaned against the bar beside you, seemingly torn between being amused and concerned by what he was seeing.

"Back so soon?" you asked, ignoring his own question. Though your speech wasn't slurred, your voice still betrayed some of the numbness you were working to surround yourself in. Which helped your friend make up his mind on how to feel.

"Easy mission," Hunter shrugged off the topic. "You okay? Did something happen?"

"No," you sighed and forced yourself to sit upright. Best to appear more in control and not give him reason to drag you to the med bay. "That's the problem. Nothing's happened."

Hunter frowned and slid onto the barstool next to you. You caught a whiff of soap as he did, a harsh contrast to your own odor that made you even more upset.

"I don't understand."

Your hands cupped around your glass, condensation pooling around your fingers, and you stared at the melting ice wishing to be as frozen and unfeeling.

"I don't understand, either," you whispered. "Why I'm still so... alone."

"Ah." Hunter placed a sympathetic hand on your shoulder. "That's right, you had that date you were going on. Another dud, then?"

You nodded, still refusing to look away from the ice cubes.

He hummed in thought. Your poor friend. How many times had he now had to come up with some sort of reassuring comment after another one of your failed attempts to find love? At least you were grateful you had such a friend, though. Where others would have made you feel guilty for admitting to loneliness, would have insisted they were company enough and all you had to do was ask for it, it's as simple as that, how dare you feel lonely when you aren't actually alone... Hunter was the one who always saw through to what you really meant. You were not what the other wanted, but you were both wanting, craving that kind of deep, romantic connection that seemed to allude you both. For Hunter, it was obviously his schedule that got in his way. For you... well, that was the mystery.

"You have to keep looking," was the sentiment Hunter settled on this time. He rubbed at your shoulder a bit, as if trying to smooth out your misery.

You huffed. His attempts to comfort were sweet, but not enough. You couldn't help but protest. "But with everyone I meet, I just find out what I don't want. What am I even looking for?"

"I don't know," Hunter shook his head sadly. "I don't know if anyone knows until they find it."

You groaned and slumped back forward, facepalming the bar top and wishing you could sink right into it. Sink down, down, down until you disappeared completely.

"Sorry, Cap," Hunter's now muffled voice attempted to chuckle, lighten the mood. "If I could track down your soul mate, I would. You know I would."

That comment was sweet enough. You forced yourself to stop sinking, lift yourself up again, and face your friend properly.

"I know. And I appreciate that. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be such a bummer today. It's just... it's been getting harder, is all."

He nodded and you nodded back and nothing further needed to be understood on the matter.

"Were you needing something from me?" you changed the subject. "Or did you come to day drink as well?"

"Ha, ha." Hunter started to get up. "Yeah no, I just wanted to let you know we were back for a few rotations, see if you'd have some time to finally come out and meet the boys."

You lifted up your glass and shook it a bit. "You're too late, I'm afraid. If I'd known you'd be back so soon, I wouldn't have started on this journey of self destruction."

Hunter titled his head at you, some of that trademark concern still showing. "This isn't going to be an all week thing, is it?"

You shrugged. Truthfully, you had no idea what to do with yourself. Making decisions even a day in advance seemed like too big of a commitment in your fragile state.

"I'd rather not meet any more new people right now, if it's all the same to you."

"I wouldn't consider them new. You've heard enough stories about each other by now. It's starting to get weird that you're not meeting, quite frankly."

You wanted to laugh, but the thought of introductions, stiff pleasantries, awkward small talk... It reminded you of every first date that never turned into a second, every dating app chat thread that went nowhere, every high hope you watched turn into disappointment. Even with a group like Hunter's brothers, the Bad Batch, with a reputation of being unconventional, who you'd only be making friends with just like you had with Hunter and every other clone on this moon... it was still too much for you to stomach.

"Sorry, maybe next time."

Hunter frowned, but he didn't overstep. "Suit yourself. Door's still open though. You know where to find us."

He made to walk out but paused to turn back to you for a moment.

"And hey, don't lose hope. We'll find our people soon enough. In the meantime, take care of yourself, alright?"

You waited until the bar doors closed behind him to let your tears fall.

* * *

Vandor-3. Woodland outskirts. Spring.

You were here. Finally.

You weren't able to pinpoint exactly where the turning point occurred, between crying yourself to sleep every night and being able to wake up with a smile on your face. A small one, of course, but a smile nonetheless. You weren't even sure it was something that had happened overnight. Slowly, eventually, the frost over your heart melted, the shadows in your thoughts grew thinner and lighter. Without even realizing you were drawing back the curtains and dusting off the shelves and each day being a little more open than you were the day before.

Your loneliness still existed. It came and went in waves, so while still devastating at times, you were at least afforded with periods of relief. Periods where you could smile again, find fulfillment in your work, and even dare to allow yourself to dream again. And not to mention taking more regular showers. It was always the little things that made the biggest difference, wasn't it?

And now here you were, standing in the early morning sun out in one of the training fields, the Havoc Marauder silhouetted against the sunrise as you shook hands with its crew in a meeting long overdue.

Hunter's stories had done the boys justice. Wrecker was just as larger than life as you'd pictured, aptly choosing to push past your outstretched hand and go in for a bone-crushing hug instead. Tech, who you'd come to know as the brains of the batch, only spared a second to be properly introduced before returning to fidget with some gadget. Echo was all politeness and disciplined respect, with his scomp-salute and ma'ams. And Crosshair... well, he was still on the ship asleep, which you supposed fit with the few facts you knew about him, too.

Hunter beamed beside them, clearly happy you had finally made the effort to meet his squad. His family, really. As a Captain overseeing drill training for the GAR, you knew better than anyone the close bonds these clones formed even before they stepped foot on a battlefield. This meant a lot to him, you being here. You felt awful for postponing so many times.

Once introductions were out of the way, and some pleasant conversation had passed, you eventually ventured out to the part of the training field that actually housed elements for training - your excuse for coming out here to meet everyone. A munitions crate full of shiny new blasters was carried between you and Wrecker while Hunter ran ahead to set up some targets. Tech and Echo went back to the ship to work on repairs.

"Aaaaugh. Only blasters?" Wrecker lamented upon opening the crate.

"Sorry, more budget cuts. This was all I could scrounge up for you guys."

Hunter was much more excited by the new weapons, though Wrecker still picked one up to try out. You held one as well but only used it to demonstrate different techniques. Just because you were good at training didn't mean you were the best at actually fighting.

The three of you picked off the various bottles, pots, and pans that Hunter had set up amongst the tree branches at the edge of the field for a short while. And on more than one occasion you found yourself pausing to breathe in the air and remind yourself that life was good. Maybe not how you wanted it, but it was still good and you'd need to continue to work on appreciating what you had.

After about an hour, there were only three bottles and a pan left, all proving tricky targets due to distance and angle. Hunter had even tried slinging a few knives to no avail.

"Okay I'm calling it," Wrecker announced with a huff. "One more missed shot and I'm blowing them up."

"I'll take that bet."

A new voice, one you'd never heard before, carried across the field. It was delicate and drawling and confident. Hunter chuckled and Wrecker rolled his eyes. And you... you had no idea that everything was about to change.

It was like he was moving in slow motion. Your surroundings blurred as the lanky figure caught the corner of your eye, your heart rate slowing as you turned and took him in. One confident step planted firmly in front of the other as he inched across the field. A sniper rifle perched on his shoulder. A toothpick between pursed lips. An eye surrounded by a reticle and narrowed in determination. He didn't even spare you a glance, and thank the gods, because if he had, you were sure your heart would've stopped beating altogether.

He squared off as soon as he reached the marks, bringing his rile forward to aim in a swift and careful motion. His head rested against the shaft, his tattooed eye squinted through the scope. You imagined him taking this stance a thousand times in his short life. It looked as natural a position as curling up on a couch might look for you.

You couldn't look away, not wanting to miss a single second of whatever this mesmerizing man was about to do. He was still for a moment, impressively so. You realized you were holding your breath as you watched, not wanting even your exhale to interfere with his process.

And then he fired. Once, twice, threefourfive times. Bang, bang, bang. Each in a different direction but no less precise than the one before. The first ricocheted off the pan and hit the green bottle, just as the second hit the red bottle. The three-shot volley was aimed at the branch the bottles sat on, causing it to crack and dangle even closer to the ground. And just when you thought the show couldn't be more over the top, the sniper swiveled his rifle toward the sky at a passing bird, clipped its wing with a shot, and then whipped out a pistol from his hip and fired at the remaining blue bottle just before the branch snapped and fell to the ground.

A few seconds later, the bird tumbled on top of the pile of shattered glass and splintered wood.

"Aaaand training is now over," said Hunter with a nod of his head. He raised his voice as he called out to his brother. "You'd better clean that shit up!"

The sniper flipped him the bird before sauntering off to clean up.

"Uh, you alright?"

Hunter paused in his own packing of gear to give you a concerned look. You were still staring after the newcomer, undoubtedly the lone Batcher you had yet to meet. Crosshair. Your brain had short-circuited with what you had witnessed him do, yes. But it was more than that. There was something about him. Something intriguing and attractive. Different than anyone you had ever known, and yet, somehow feeling so real and comfortable at the same time.

After a few waves of your friend's hand in your face, you snapped back.

"That," you breathed.

Hunter cocked a confused eyebrow.

"That is what I'm looking for."

* * *

Vandor-3. Clone training facility: recreation sector. Summer.

You were insanely busy. Separatist activity was ramping up in almost every corner of the galaxy and the GAR was responding to each new threat with full force. Rotations of new clone units were frequently arriving at the facility, one after another. You'd cycle them through a few trainings to get them certified on whatever was needed and then ship them right back out. And in between were all the additional tasks that needed to be taken care of. Piles of paperwork and coordinating schedules and ship inspections and updated security debriefings.

And yet through it all, you still had time to entertain the one thought that buzzed in the background of your mind: Crosshair. Every meeting, every meal, every training sim, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. He was there. Crosshair, Crosshair, Crosshair. On your mind, in your heart, driving you absolutely mad.

In the beginning you'd pretended it wasn't about him, specifically. You were simply happy to know what you wanted now, that you had a type and it existed. That was all. Hunter had turned up his nose, completely bewildered as to why that would be your type. You hadn't been able to give him much at the time; it would take you many rotations more to start describing the details of your newly discovered attraction.

But over time, it became harder to push aside the nagging thought that you hadn't found what you were looking for, but rather who. Specifically. Exactly. Why try to find someone like him when you already liked... him?

Oh there were plenty of ways you could answer that question, all of them self-deprecating and none of them productive. You could count on one hand now the number of times you had been in the same room as him, let alone interacted with him. The Batch may be frequenting the place more often as the war picked up, but not nearly as often as you needed to gauge whether someone like Crosshair would, could, or honestly even should be as interested in you as you were in him.

Today they were back on the grounds so Hunter could fill out some paperwork, and your heart had not stopped racing all morning. It was practically threatening to punch right out of your chest and run away. You weren't sure why, considering you'd probably only end up seeing Hunter this time. The rest of the Batch usually didn't venture into the facility unless they were staying overnight. But it seemed even knowing Crosshair was on the same planet as you got you worked up these days.

You carried Hunter's stack of paperwork with you now, intending to drop it off to him in between some meetings you had. As you hustled down the halls, you rehearsed a few ways you could subtly ask him how Crosshair was doing.

But as it turned out, you would have the opportunity to ask him yourself. If you could get over your frazzled shock at finding him in the rec room instead of Hunter.

The room was conveniently empty, making the silence between you that much more potent. Crosshair was standing awkwardly to the side, just behind one of the battered sofas, as if he had already been confused about what he should be doing before you pushed through the door. He stared at you and you stared at him and the moment only lasted for a few seconds but it felt like an eternity.

"Oh, um. Hi. Crosshair." You averted your gaze, despite having prayed the past several nights that you could see his face again soon. "I was... expecting Hunter."

That didn't sound right. You hoped he didn't take that to mean that you'd prefer if Hunter was here now. Obviously you didn't.

"He stepped out," Crosshair responded in that cool, even tone of his. Your eyes couldn't help but snap back to his as he talked. You wanted him to say more but he never did.

"Oh, okay. I just had some paperwork to give him."

Crosshair only hummed at first. You shuffled your feet a bit, debating whether you should make an attempt at small talk, try to coax more out of him, maybe even hint that you were interested in him. The thought terrified you, but not as much as the thought of being alone. You couldn't complain about that if you continued to let these opportunities pass by without at least trying to make a connection.

You shifted your weight again, intending to keep your feet planted so you wouldn't make a run for it, and Crosshair uttered your name hurriedly.

"Wait," he said. He'd thought you were leaving. You widened your eyes at him, waiting to hear what he'd wanted to tell you first. He seemed to hesitate before finally saying, "I was wondering if you knew what soup they were serving today?"

"Oh. Uh, potato, I think."

"How boring."

You smirked. "I know, right? They could at least serve it with some hot sauce."

Crosshair hummed.

The silence settled back in, though now you felt better about things. You'd practically had a conversation. Learned a little more about each other. It was a good start. 

Your commlink suddenly beeped at your side and you blanched, remembering the meeting you were supposed to be heading to.

"I uh, I've got to go. It was nice talking to you."

It pained you to cut off your moment with him so quickly, but alas you were left with no choice. You shuffled back out into the corridor, though you only made it a few steps before realizing you still had Hunter's paperwork and could just leave it with Crosshair.

The rec room had an old school door that swung in and out on hinges. It was slightly ajar from when you passed through, and already in the few seconds since something was happening on the other side of it. You could hear more voices.

"...the kriff was that?" First, the deep tones of Hunter, equal parts annoyed and weary.

"That wasn't the plan." Then, the resolute voice of Echo, backing him up.

"What?" Crosshair bit back at them.

"You were supposed to ask her out," Hunter clarified.

"No, that was not the plan," Crosshair countered. "I needed to lay some groundwork first."

"You call that groundwork? You were talking about soup."

"And she agreed. No one ever agrees with me on the soup around here."

"What a special connection," Echo said.

Hunter sighed so hard you swore you could feel the breeze through the doorway. "You know, sometimes I think some work on your communication skills wouldn't be such a bad idea."

"What?"

"Never mind. Do what you like. Keep pushing away anyone who tries to love you and see where that gets you. Just know that it's exhausting, watching the two of you dance around each other like this."

"And kind of pathetic," added Echo.

You were against the wall by the door, holding in your breath for so long you were about to pass out. Or maybe it was the euphoria of knowing Crosshair was interested that made your head sway. Regardless, you had mere moments to make a move or let the opportunity pass. You dug into your pocket, fished out a pen, and scribbled a note on the top page of paperwork. Was it professional? Absolutely not. But the GAR would get over it. You left the papers by the door, making sure your note was turned to face it.

There's better soups on Coruscant. Let's go out sometime.

* * *

Vandor-3. Woodland outskirts. Autumn.

You were alone, standing in the middle of the training field, the early setting sun behind you casting a dim shadow across the remains of your latest training exercise. A chill was just starting to set in, causing you to tug at your jacket and pull it around you a bit tighter. You liked these moments, rare as they were recently. A quiet time to yourself. Not even to think, but simply to be. Present and comfortable. And you.

The wind picked up and sang through the taller blades of grass as a ship approached for landing. Your moment was over, but a new happiness settled in its place. Minutes later, the Havoc Marauder was opening its hatch and spitting out its soldiers.

"Captain," Hunter gave you a two-finger salute as he passed by.

"Sergeant," you returned with a smile.

Echo was close behind, giving you a respectful nod. Wrecker hauled a munitions crate in one hand and hit you up for a high five with the other. Tech was oblivious as he hunched over a data pad.

They filed by, one after the other, headed straight for the barracks, and what you hoped were the showers. They all knew not to linger, that you'd catch up with them later. This was your time with Crosshair.

The sniper was leaning up against the hatch opening, arms folded across a plastoid chest and a toothpick lazily perched between slightly curled lips. He took you in for a moment and you could feel yourself glowing in response to his soft gaze.

"Showing those clankers who's boss, I see," he said as he made his way down the gangway. He nodded his head toward the mess of scrap metal behind you.

You gave a half shrug. "My reaction time is getting better, but I still can't get the angles right with those pucks."

Crosshair inched up to you, gently resting his hands on either side of your waist. "Have you been doing the breathing exercises like I showed you?"

You nodded. Your hands instinctually came up to his run along his arms until they found the crook of his elbows, the only place not barring your touch by armor.

"And using the laser sight?"

You nodded a little slower and Crosshair tsked.

"I want to be good without it. Like you." You added a little extra honey to your words so he wouldn't reprimand you too much. It had been an adjustment for the two of you at first, he stepping into a training role and you stepping back to receive instruction for once. Thankfully the frustrations seemed to diminish the more your relationship progressed.

"You have to be patient," he said, giving your waist a slight squeeze to accentuate his point. "You aren't like the regs you train. You're building your skills, taking care of yourself."

You hummed, more in thought than agreement. "Will I ever have to use these skills someday, do you think? Is it really getting that bad out there?"

You tried not to think about how many soldiers you had trained only to be sent to a battlefield to die. How many of the shinies you were drilling right now would likely be killed soon. How many more would be brought in to take their place. You'd thought you'd known what you were getting yourself into with this job. But the relentless cycle of it all was getting to you more and more, especially as the Republic continued to be challenged in larger scales and higher stakes. It never seemed to end.

"It's hard to say," Crosshair responded. "We have to prepare for the worst."

You hated that answer, but you wouldn't let him see it. Not yet. Your fears and your displeasures, anger and sorrow, were things yet to be fully explored in this new relationship. All in due time. So you simply smiled, plucked the toothpick out of his mouth and tossed it aside. 

"And hope for the best, right?"

He smiled back, or at least moved his mouth in the direction of a smile, as much as you could usually get from the reserved man. "Yes, of course."

He leaned forward and rested his forehead against yours. You both closed your eyes and breathed each other in. There was warmth in his embrace. A promise in the steady hands he held you with. Vulnerability in the skin that gently touched yours. To have someone this close, someone who was still more stranger than friend, though no less beloved, was what you had always wanted. And for once, what you wanted was just as lovely and fulfilling as you'd hoped. No catch. No deals. No unintended consequences. Just you and him and happiness.

All too soon he pulled away. His hand sought yours as he turned in the direction of the barracks. The longer you stayed behind, the worse the teasing from the others would be. They were only respectful of your relationship to a point, and after that it was fair game for a laugh. So you willingly followed.

"Crosshair?"

"Hm?"

"I was thinking about Hunter...."

The sniper glanced at you suspiciously.

"Well, you know he and I have been friends for a while. And he's confided a few things in me before. About what he wants. Or thinks he wants. He's changed his mind a few times on the specifics. But all in the same gist."

"Where are you going with this?"

"I don't know, I just feel like I owe him for helping me get through a tough time. And if it weren't for him, I wouldn't have ever met you. So--"

Crosshair cut you off with a groan. "If you're trying to get me to play matchmaker..."

"It would get some of the attention off of us," you quickly offered. "If Hunter had someone he was bringing around, too. Or even just interested in."

Crosshair frowned in thought. "There was a bartender on Scarif he kept checking out..."

You grinned and squeezed his hand affectionately. "See? Just keep an eye out and nudge him a bit. Who knows what could happen."

You could tell he was trying not to roll his eyes for your sake. Instead he squeezed your hand in return. "Or you could come with us and nudge him yourself?"

Your walking slowed, right as you were about to cross the facility boundary line. You would have to let go of his hand once you crossed it, keep a professional distance, share your company with others. And once the Batch's business here concluded, then you would have to let him go and watch him disappear into the sky with all the prayers you could possibly send with him. And then you would be on your own. Waiting, waiting, always waiting. And maybe he would return, and maybe he wouldn't.

And heaven forbid you would ever end up alone again.

"Or you can stay," he said. The quietness of his voice betrayed what he really meant, what he really wanted. 

And you knew what you wanted, too. Without you realizing, it was getting easier and easier for you to define your desires. And not only that, but to pursue them, too. To know your happiness was worth the risk of disappointment. It was clear to you now that you were not only worthy, but also capable. The man standing before you, holding your hand, gazing at you like nothing else mattered, was proof enough.

And so you said, "Take me with you."

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[delusionalwritingsofagay]

Hi Hiiiii! Again the same anon who asked for a bottom Joel x top reader! I was thinking about this scenario: the reader was a lonely man who had escaped QZ trying to find a better community to live in, but he accidentally finds Ellie trying to hunt something her "injured friend". He helps them cause he was alone for a long time and is happy to have some friends. They stick together for some time when he notices Joel is getting softer with him and looks at him differently. when he asks him about it he tries to dodge the question but the reader insists and teases him about it so much that he confesses to him. ( I don't know anymore actually :"))

p.s: if you enjoy making it smut I would enjoy it too so yeah, please forgive if it's weird or anything, and thank you for being patient with me!

Bonds in Ruins

Pairing : Joel Miller x Male reader Tags : Getting together, fluff, men in love, found family Word count : 919

Author note : I am so sorry for the wait, I've had really bad writers block anyway I hope you enjoy it at least :)

In the remnants of a world ravaged by a mind-numbing infection, Y/N had found himself a solitary wanderer. He had escaped the confines of a QZ, leaving behind the walls that once felt like a prison. Outside, the world was a grim playground of danger, but it was also teeming with possibility. He sought refuge from loneliness, a longing for camaraderie that whispered incessantly in his heart.

Days turned into weeks as he navigated through the ruins of what once was a bustling city. The echo of his footsteps was accompanied only by the distant calls of the infected. Y/N had learned to blend into the shadows, to be a ghost wandering through the remnants of civilization. But despite all the self-reliance he had cultivated, he still felt the gnawing void of companionship.

One late afternoon, as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting long shadows over the debris-littered streets, Y/N heard muffled sounds nearby. Curious and cautious, he had crept toward the source of the noise.

There, amid the broken concrete and overgrown weeds, crouched a girl with a bow in hand, her expression focused and fierce. As Y/N watched from a safe distance, he noticed her target—a small, scuttling rabbit. 

The girl turned, bowstring taut, eyes trained on him with a mix of wariness and defiance.

“Easy there,” Y/N raised his hands in a gesture of peace. “I’m not here to cause trouble.”

The girl relaxed her stance, albeit slightly. “Who are you?” she demanded, her voice firm despite her age.

“Just a guy trying to survive. I thought you might need help  ” Y/N said 

“Fine,” she relented. “But you help him, and then you leave. I don’t trust you.”

Y/N nodded, grateful for any chance at connection. He introduced himself and quickly got to work, assessing the injury. While the girl, Ellie, kept an eye on their surroundings, Y/N focused on bandaging the wound, murmuring gentle reassurances to the injured man. Despite the circumstances, he felt a warmth in his chest—he was no longer alone.

As the days passed, Y/N found himself travelling with Ellie and her injured friend, Joel. The bond between them deepened as they faced threats together, shared meals, and exchanged stories under star-studded skies. For Y/N, the feeling of belonging was intoxicating, and he felt happier than he had in a long time.

Over time, he began to notice a shift in Joel’s demeanour. The gruff man who had initially seemed distant became more approachable, his eyes softening as he looked at Y/N. Their banter grew lighter, and Joel’s rare smiles lit up the dark corners of their world. It confused Y/N; he had never experienced such shifts in a relationship during these desperate times.

One night, as they sat around a small fire, Y/N couldn’t help but tease him. “You know, for a guy who looks like he’s been through hell, you seem to enjoy my company a bit too much.”

Joel chuckled, shaking his head. “You’re just a distraction. Nothing more.”

“Sure,” Y/N replied, arching an eyebrow, “but you’ve been smiling more these days. Is it the company, or are you just losing your touch at being a grumpy old man?”

Joel’s brow furrowed, and he glanced at Ellie, who was pretending not to listen. “You’re reading too much into it.”

“Oh, come on, Joel. Just admit it. You like me. You’re growing fond of me,” Y/N teased, leaning closer, eyes sparkling with mischief.

Joel’s expression faltered, the weight of unsaid words hanging heavy between them. Finally, he sighed heavily, the kind of resignation that comes before a confession. “Alright, fine. Maybe I do care about you a little more than I should.”

Y/N’s heart raced at the admission, and he pressed further, “A little more? Is that all? Seems to me like you’re starting to like me, Joel.”

“Damn it,” Joel muttered, running a hand over his face in frustration. “You’re relentless. You got no idea what you’re doing to me.”

“Try me,” Y/N smiled, feeling emboldened. “Tell me how you really feel.”

Joel looked at him then, eyes unreadable, but something more tender flickered within them. “You’ve seen the world for what it is. So have I. All I ever wanted is to protect what’s left of it. But you... you make that harder.”

Y/N’s breath caught in his throat, the vulnerability in Joel’s confession igniting something inside him. “So, you like me because I make it harder? That’s quite the confession, Joel. You said it yourself—things are complicated.”

“Complicated doesn’t mean it ain’t real,” Joel replied, his voice low. 

With a rush of adrenaline, Y/N teased, “Maybe you’re just falling for me, old man.”

Served with a mixture of surprise and something deeper, Joel’s eyes widened, and the moment felt electric. Y/N could see the conflict in Joel’s expression, his defences wavering. Y/N dared to hope.

And then, almost shyly, Joel leaned in, capturing Y/N’s lips with his own, a hesitant sigh escaping him as their mouths met. It was a soft collision, molten warmth blooming between them, pure and fragile amidst their harsh reality.

In the silence that followed, Y/N felt a warmth spread through him, one that had been missing for far too long. When they finally pulled apart a fained cough interrupted them

“ Don’t mind me or anything” Ellie said teasingly causing Joel to groan and roll his eyes “ Dammit Ellie”

[ficjoelispunk]

TIPSY’S GIRL

"Say yes to heaven,

Say yes to me.

I've got my eye on you."

Summary: Sometimes everything you want is right under your nose. All you need is a little push.

Word count: 7.4k

Warnings: just a love story, happy without anguish, thank God.

Oneshot

A/N: As everyone is already tired of reading in my notes, this is another translated Oneshot. I hope I don’t disappoint so much with English. Please don’t give up on me.🙏

-

"Good night, Joel"

You said as you passed by for the thousandth time, a damp cloth through the counter.

"Good night"

It was visibly noticeable that only his carcass was present there. Deep and tired eyes, hair with curls slightly - perfectly - messy.

"You look tired, a lot of movement outside?" You asked with a gentle smile on your lips.

Joel leaned over the - now, clean - counter.

"Yeah…" he hummed, "with the winter many hordes of them move in search of warmer places"

You were pouring an shot of whiskey into the glass. You didn't need to ask, Joel always came to Tipsy after long patrols, sat in the same place since you remember, and drank exactly the same thing, every time.

"Smart Creatures..."

He smiled with your comment.

"Since I arrived in Jackson, I've never left these walls again" you handed the glass to him "we used to do walks, picnics, hiking, all the fucking weekend..." your eyes were stuck in the wood of the counter, several images taking over your mind, like flashbacks, "I miss nature" you snapped your tongue "well, I'll let you rest" your hands patted the counter "enjoy" you smiled.

Joel raised the glass towards him.

"Thanks"

***

Tiredness took over Joel's old and worn-out body. It had been three long days of patrol. Sleeping outside was becoming a big nightmare for the back. He just wanted to get home, take a long shower and rest.

He just needed a drink first. It was what he repeated to himself, as if, the fact of repeating this to himself sometimes enough, was capable of deceiving his own brain.

The truth is, he started attending Tipsy more for a single reason. You.

A woman with such a beautiful smile, that if the light of the world ran out, your smile could certainly illuminate the planet without a shadow of a doubt. Your lips filled the contour of your smile so perfectly. Your soft skin. The curves of your body. You are so beautiful. Kind. Polite.

Every time he’s close to you, his nerve endings fall asloment. He's afraid to say something wrong. He’s afraid you'll misunderstand him. Whenever he thinks about the possibility of having you, touching your skin, your lips, your body... he drives away the desire. He's not worthy. The things he's already done. It didn't seem right that the same hands that kill could be able to touch you correctly. You deserved more.

Too old for that kind of thing. So, all that was left was for him to observe her. At least from afar he couldn't lose you.

"If you keep looking at her like this, you'll make a hole in her skin," Tommy whispered to his brother, squeezing his shoulders.

"Shut up, Tommy"

"Seriously, you're a man, Joel. Call her out, it's not a big deal"

Joel just stared at his brother.

"C’mon man… She looks at you too... you're a nice guy"

"She's just being polite. Very kind to just kicking me out from this place"

"No other man would be good enough for her here, and you know that, if you continue with this shit, you'll end up having to watch any asshole take her home..."

Tommy shakes his head while waiting for you to come and serve him too.

***

Working at Tipsy was a quiet thing, most of the time. There were few nights that you had to put up with someone who ended up drinking too much, and inflating the courage to say things to you that would be at least impolite. But overall, it was something quiet. Decreased the feeling of loneliness - which you had also been used to dealing with - the end of the world does not provide healthy experiences, and keeping mental health in line is a daily exercise.

You had just left the library, selected another book - which you knew you would read in a maximum of three days - the plan was to sit on your old couch, cover your legs with the wool blanket you had knitted, and keep next to a good herbal tea that you had harvested in your garden in the morning.

The cold this afternoon was more severe, you walked looking for the sun, to warm it up, thinking about removing your heavier coats from the closet.

"Hey!"

The known and panting voice had just rested a soft hand on your shoulder.

"Hey! Maria, how you doing?"

"I’m fine. You? Did I get in the way of your thoughts? You were closed in your private world"

You smiled.

"I'm fine, thank you. I was making a mental note to remove the married people from the closet, it seems that we will have a merciless winter this year"

She nodded.

"Do you work tonight?"

"Not really, today is my day off. Do you need help with anything?"

"Yeah, I do. I was wondering if you could help me with the recipe for that Arabic salad you make, I've tried it a thousand times and I don't get it... Tommy will get sick if he doesn't eat this salad..."

You smiled.

"Yeah, shore. Tonight?"

"If you don't care..."

"No, of course not. At 6 p.m.?"

"Sounds great! I'll wait for you."

You nodded.

“See you there”

Maria has always been an amazing woman since you arrived in Jackson. She and Tommy welcomed you in the best way, with patience and care. As much as your plans were to stretch your legs up, you could never say no to this couple to whom you owe so much. If you were in a safe place today, it was because they had provided you with it. You know that Jackson is the closest to life you once had, and no matter how much it was a long way of pain and suffering, living was still an act of courage, which you were proud of day after day for having the courage to choose to live.

Tommy welcomed you with a smile on his face.

"Maria is making the baby sleep, can I help with anything?" He said as they walked to the kitchen.

You took a look at him, smiling.

“What? I'm a great co-pilot in the kitchen"

You raised your arms.

"I didn't say anything"

You laughed. Tommy taught you how to navigate the kitchen, left the ingredients at your disposal, while killing time talking. He was a very communicative man. It was no wonder that the community respected him, he was able to maintain order and protected about 300 people. Only someone articulate enough was able to keep the nerves of 300 people under control.

You were teaching how he should cut the tomato, when he got distracted looking behind you.

"Look at you man, did you take a shower!? Well, thankfully, because definitely Joel is more skilled than me in the kitchen"

You turned around smiling, Joel was... just Joel, a man whose presence did not have any explanation. He was a little older than you, a crease always demarcating the forehead, fierce eyebrows, outlined face, beard covering the face, perfectly messy hair, demarcated jaw. He had all the characteristics of a man, masculine, strong with a striking presence.

He wasn't a talker, few times you have the pleasure of seeing him smile, always worried, nervous or too tired, you had the feeling that he not had a good night's sleep for decades. The tension he carried on himself was something so poor that sometimes you have already found yourself wondering if you would be able to relieve the lines of insistent expressions that he carried on his face. If you would be able to make him feel relaxed, calm and serene.

But, although you could also swear to see him several times - a considerable amount - looking at you, every time - also a considerable amount - that you tried to pierce his shell, he always pushed you, gently and respectfully, away.

Today, however, you had never seen so many expressions passing through Joel's face at the same time. Surprise, nervousness, hesitation... he seemed paralyzed since he entered the kitchen.

"Hi" you said, your voice seeming to pull you into the world again.

He blinked.

"I'll see if Maria needs help" Tommy walked to her brother "can you help her?"

He stared at his brother, still motionless, but nodded. He slowly approached you.

"Are the tomatoes giving you trouble?" He asked pointing out where Tommy left the job in half.

You smiled.

He reached the cutting board with the knife to continue.

"You don't have to, I can..."

"I'll help you"

He looked at you so deeply, the luminosity of the house was dim, you have never been like this side by side, always separated by a counter, or far enough away to just greet each other with a nod. You had to look away, focusing on the cucumbers you were cutting.

He followed the cutting pattern you set to Tommy, and clearly more skilled, in fact. The big arms holding the small fruit, in such a subtle way, contrasting with the big hands and long fingers. The movements outlining the muscles over the tissue of your flannel. Hypnotizing your eyes with every movement.

"Am I doing something wrong?"

You almost got scared, when you heard him, too concentrated in that man's hands, making it difficult to take care of policing yourself so that he didn't realize that you had your eyes fixed on his movements. It was only then that you realized that you were biting your lips. You cleared your throat.

"No" you shook your head, trying to clear your mind, returning to focus on the cucumbers "no, you’re natural, like a Cheff. I didn't know you were a good cook"

He snapped his lips. A crooked smile crossed his lips.

"I have some skills"

You smiled.

"How does it feel to be on the other side of the counter?"

He shrugged, and looked at you again.

"At this moment, I feel better than ever"

You was fully aware of the heat that invaded your face, and burned in your stomach. You couldn't say many other things.

Joel stayed by the side until the end of the salad preparation, reaching all the materials you needed. Sometimes your arm or hand ended up brushing Joel's skin and body. Your body was so tense that it seemed difficult to breathe. The air was a little thick and the kitchen seemed very small.

Maria and Tommy came back for a while - which seemed very long - later. Maria prepared a meat, removing it from the oven as soon as you had just prepared the salad. You dined to the sound of maternity reports. Raising a baby was not easy, and raising a baby in this world was twice as difficult. Although Maria and Tommy had been blessed with a calm and healthy baby, a child who slept all night, and was quite calm during the day.

Maria served you a wine that someone from the commune had produced, with natural fermentation with grapes produced there inside Jackson itself. Tommy helped Maria organize the dinnerware, while you and Joel were sitting outside the house, in upholstered chairs that Tommy and Joel had made before last winter.

You hugged your knee, holding the glass with the wine, in the hope that the liquid would make its due effect and warm your body.

"Are you cold?" It was the first thing he said after cutting the tomatoes.

It was surprising that, although immersed in a silence, there was nothing uncomfortable to be next to him and to be silent.

You sighed.

"I haven't taken the coats out of the closet yet..."

Joel got up, covering your back with his jacket. You closed your eyes with the feeling of warmth around your body. He was hot. Your hands pulled the fabric to cover more of your body, which made you think how small you were close to him, the jacket could easily become a blanket.

"Better?" He was sitting in front of you.

You nodded.

"Thank you"

Your cheeks pressed your shoulder. The smell of him invading your senses. You were warmed by the heat that radiated from his jacket. And it was numb by the smell that the fabric exhaled. So comfortable. So cozy.

When you had finished the wine. Your eyes blinked lazy, it was time to leave.

You got up, unrolling yourself from your jacket.

"Time to go" you leaned over to deliver the jacket to Joel, but he also raised "Maria, Tommy, always a pleasure to spend time with you guys"

"There is no possibility of eating this salad if it is not made by you," Tommy said, hugging Maria.

You smiled.

"Always available, for you. Maria, give a kiss in that little one for me"

"Of course! Thank you for dinner, it was delicious"

She leaned over to hug you.

You were still holding Joel's jacket. You was going to say goodbye to him, but he was faster than you.

"I'll follow you to your home"

"You don't have to..."

"I make a point, I'll also take advantage of the ride and go home"

You nodded. He said goodbye to his sister-in-law and brother. Walking next to you to the exit of the house. Once they were walking through Jackson's deserted streets, he pulled the jacket from your arms, stretching it on your back again.

"It's cold, you can get pneumonia and die"

You smiled, making a face.

"So dramatic"

He was close enough to bump into your arm, with every step you took, his hands in the front pockets of the jeans. Slow steps. Your house was not far away, but the path seemed to drag under your feet.

"I'll stay here" you stopped in front of the stairs on your balcony.

You was going to start sliding the jacket.

"No, stay with her" Joel said.

"No, I'm going in and I'll be safe and warm. You still have the way home" your hands stretched the jacket for him "I don't want you to get pneumonia and die" you smiled and rolled your eyes.

His big hands held the jacket, brushing your hands. Even with his jacket, your hands were cold, the warmth of his touch could easily melt your skin. He was so warm. You two faced the place where your skins were. His thumb stroked your hand.

Your body was taken by an anticipation, an anxiety was making room in your stomach and it was as if you were getting hollow inside, burning the cells of the body.

Joel took a step towards you, shortening your distance. He was dangerously close to you. Your face were tingling.

His free hand rose slowly towards your face, as if he were giving you time to scold him. But you didn't. He touched your face. You stared at each other painfully, his warm fingers slid down the side of your face, and from your neck, moving your hair away from behind your shoulder.

He took another step, his eyes danced between your mouth and your eyes. He was leaning slowly, in your direction. His eyes holding your gaze. His hand holding your head. His nose touched yours.

"Tell me, if I do something you don't want" he murmured, close to your lips.

You nodded, your noses sliding on each other. Your head tilted to the opposite side of his head. Joel pressed his lips on yours, hesitant, kind. Moving away millimeters, bringing his body closer to yours, and pressing his lips on yours again. Longer.

You felt the softness of his belly, his firm breasts. You slowly opened your mouth to him, his tongue slid down your lip until he found yours. He tasted like the wine you had. You sighed.

Joel threw his jacket on the floor, his hand slipped down your waist and then down your back, pulling your body to him. One of your hands slid down his waist, grabbing his shirt. The other got entangled in his hair, your fingers in the middle of the messy curls.

The kiss became more and more intense, your breaths were heavy, your body was glued to his hot body, his heat taking over all your senses.

His lips separated from yours, his foreheads were united, Joel joined your lips in a long kiss, moving away again, you smiled. Still hugging. He moved far enough to find your eyes, running his fingers through the length of your hair.

"Do you want to come in?" You asked, almost pleading.

Joel brought your head to his lips, placing a kiss on your forehead.

"I should go home, sweetheart" his lips brushed the top of your head.

You were numb, your face practically glued to his chest, his smell, his body. His eyes were closed trying to record the maximum of this sensation.

"Okay..." you murmured.

"But can I see you tomorrow?" He asked, holding you against him.

You got just far enough away to look at him.

He smiled.

"I wanted to take you to a place"

You smiled, unable to prevent your lips from arching in happiness.

"Is it a date, Joel Miller?" You bit your lips.

His hands went up to hold your face.

"Yeah... would you grant me the honor of your company on a tour?" The thumbs of his hands caressed your face.

Your arms were around his waist. You pretended to think, pouting in the corner of your mouth.

"Yes, I would grant..." you ended up finishing.

He pulled you for a hug, caressing your back.

"Good! I was already thinking about how to persuade you"

You laughed, - as if it were necessary - you took advantage of the warmth of his arms for another moment, until you walked away, reluctant - it didn't seem that neither of you were happy to let go - taking a few steps back, until you climb your stairs.

"See you tomorrow morning" Joel said as he took his jacket from the floor, and took slow steps back.

He waited for you to enter the house.

-

It was difficult to contain the outbreak your body exhaled. You were feeling like a fucking teenager. Since the first time you saw Joel, your pupil has dilated. He was a man who drew attention, the kind of guy you wanted to wrap you in his strong arms, the kind of guy who made you fantasize about things. The way he walks. The way he speaks. Always looking so distant and mysterious, but shy and gentleman.

You noticed his looks at you. But he seemed so distant, he seemed to be so involved in this end-of-the-world thing, so hurt by the pain that, obviously, everyone went through that, it didn't make sense for you to fantasize something, it seemed unlikely that he was willing to be distracted to the point of risking having feelings for someone.

People always commented on him. When people can't pierce someone's bubble, when they can't explain their questions, they always end up attacking. There have always been buzz about how cruel and merciless man Joel is. About the things he was able to do, because he had already done.

But with you he has always been kind and respectful, up to this point, this is a matter of education, only. However, you knew hundreds of people who were very good and not even if you wanted education could sustain for a long time, depending on the scenario.

There were, of course, many women who were sentimentally frustrated with him. Joel wasn't really in the mood. Beautiful, strong and intelligent women, fragile and petty women, he was the kind of guy who made any woman's type. That, for sure, also raised a lot of gossip.

Working at Tipsy was something that made you, whether you like it or not, end up listening, seeing and being a victim, of all kinds of things, even more so in a bunch of people, in which everyone knows everyone, and, unfortunately, everyone is busy with everyone's life.

Little by little you learned to filter the things that reached your ears. And, anyway, for you, Joel has always been a respectful man, above all. Your mind was clear and aligned with the possibility that he was someone difficult before Jackson, but who wouldn't be? There are things that could be justifiable, and there are things that perhaps, were not justifiable, maybe not necessary. But the moment wasn't the best either. Extreme moments, sometimes they ask for extreme attitudes. Anyway, it didn't make much difference to you.

What made a difference was that he was a kind man, he was never rude, not even when someone was being inconvenient. It was never disrespectful, not even when he drank too much. He was always willing and available to the people - which he certainly knew - spoke of him behind his back. And, what caught his attention the most, he was always protective, careful and loving with his daughter, Ellie.

It wasn't easy to raise a teenager before, you knew, now it should probably be terrifying. Even so, he kept himself patient, eyes always attentive and full of tenderness, ready for any sign that Ellie could think of giving. Always ready for her. That was one of the things that moved your heart the most. It was visibly noticeable that he would cut without blinking a limb for this girl. This kind of love was something you appreciated.

Joel knocked on your door, shortly after the sun settled in the sky. The morning was cold, there was a considerably dense fog hovering over Jackson's streets. The snow would not take long to start giving its first signs. The thermometers already marked low enough temperatures to roll up scarves and wear three layers of blouse, and maybe a cap, if you wanted to increase the look.

"Hi," you smiled at him.

"Morning, sweetheart" he leaned hesitantly towards you.

Your feet forced themselves to stay at the ends, in an attempt to reach him halfway. Joel pressed his lips on yours, time-consuming, needy. You smiled, he slowly walked away, you climbed up your body to give another quick kiss.

"Ready?"

You nodded.

"I hope so, should I bring something?" Your eyes catch the backpack on his back.

He shakes his head.

"No, don’t worry, I have everything we need"

You nod, closing the door behind you.

***

Anxiety has always been something that tormented Joel's head. Before he thought too much for fear of not being a good father to Sarah. Then he blamed himself for Sarah's mother having left, and how it would affect Sarah's life. And then came the concerns about how he would solve life and be able to provide a good future for Sarah. Oh, how painful it was to think about the future and Sarah.

There was a moment when anxiety and sadness entangled so much in his mind that there was only room for these two feelings. Apart from, of course, the responsibility of keeping Tommy well, alive and safe.

Of course, things got better when Ellie arrived. There was the time when the fear of losing her consumed him. Now she was big enough to push him away, to make the decisions by herself. Even so, she will always be a good child, and he loves her unconditionally, he will always be there for when she needs it. There was the anxiety and the worry of keeping her safe. There would always be. But he knew Jackson was safe. He himself made sure to keep Jackson safe for her.

But now for the first time in a long time, the anxiety he felt was whether he would find you on Tipsy, if he would know how to answer your questions well enough that you didn't think he was an idiot. He felt the anxiety of, needing to contain himself, of needing to control the desire to touch you. Or one day you end up knowing that you finally found someone to be. He needed to control the impulses to drive away the men who flirted with you. To observe the malicious eyes that lingered on you. Joel could read the guys' minds as if their fucking brains were on a big screen. And just that, it was enough for him to long for just an opportunity to punch these men in the face.

He couldn't remember the last time he felt like this, about someone else. He dreamed of you. He was nervous about the idea of meeting you. He liked your voice, your smile, the way you moved, the sweet way you looked at him. Your hair... he knew that if he approached you, he would be at risk of wanting you for him, for the rest of his life.

Tommy invited him to dinner, without telling him that you would be there. He knew the moment he saw you, that Tommy was pushing him. And he can't blame him. Tommy knew him as well as he could know himself. Joel saw you arrive, he saw you settle down, he saw you building friendships, he saw you wisely dealing with people, he saw you being simply you, as if the fucking world was not over, and you had managed to stay perfectly good.

At all times, he can't take his eyes off you. He vividly remembers the day you met him - because, he already knew you - the soft and basically sacred skin of your hands gently shook Joel's hands. Your big Corsican eyes, slightly closed when your lips drawn by God's own hands, opened in the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

And then he was there, holding your body against his, your mouth merging with his. Your heavy breathing, as inviting as he could imagine, was difficult to hold the impulse of wanting to drag you to his bed, immediately undressing your body, and warm it up with his body on yours. Finally being able to feel the taste and flesh of your lips. Your smell and the small sounds you made when he pulled your body closer to his.

He had found the passage to paradise.

Now he could only be anxious to be good enough for you, good enough to have it, and enough to keep it.

You were beautiful in the morning, properly wrapped up, which was good, you were a little cold person, he had already noticed. Maybe it was because you were a small woman, the wind overtook you easily. He smiled with the thought.

Joel bends his arm next to your body, so that you could hold his arms. You hooked yourself next to him, leaning your cheeks against his arm for a moment. It was deliciously satisfying to feel you snuggling next to his body.

"It's cold today" you speak rubbing a hand on his arm, in an attempt to warm your fingers with the friction.

Joel puts his hand on your own, which firmly hold him, feels you shudder little by little.

"It will snow soon” he watched the sky, and then you.

"What are you taking me to, Joel Miller?"

He smiles.

"You'll like it, trust me"

You two walked towards the stables. Joel had already left Callus prepared for you.

"Are we going to ride a horse?" You ask, your voice seemed curious but hesitant.

"Are you nervous?"

You shook your head. But your eyes said something else.

Joel finishes checking the sadle buckles, and walks up to you. He slides a lock of your hair behind your shoulders.

"Do you trust me?" He asks.

Your deer eyes force him to get a little closer to you.

"Yes, I trust you"

Joel kisses your forehead, holding your hand, to lead you to the horse.

***

How to explain how difficult it was to trust someone these days? You trusted Joel, he was a man to whom you naturally transmitted security. But it was impossible to avoid the butterflies dancing in your stomach.

He helped you get on the horse. Your arms around his waist, as he led you out of the gates.

"Joel?" You couldn't stand it.

"Mhmm?"

"Where are you taking me to?"

"Isn't you a fan of surprises?"

You laughed. Feeling unfair to him, whatever it was, it seemed unfair to steal whatever he took the trouble to plan. So used to always having everything under your control, knowing very well where you are stepping, what to do and when to do it, you was not used to not having control. Trusting without knowing what to expect.

"I'd like to show you a place, just it"

You smiled. It was almost as if you hadn't stopped smiling since the night before.

"All right, sorry”

You two rode for a long time, but it wasn't boring at all. You couldn't remember the last time you left Jackson. It could be a fantasy of your head, but the air looked different outside, everything was so much more alive. Nature was something imperial, only it had a place outside. The burning orange colors of the leaves of the trees with winter coming, the almost dead landscape had a melancholic beauty. The silence, only the horse's paws, you and nature. Joel stopped Callus on the slope of a mountain.

It helped you go down, holding your waist, sticking you to the floor.

"Let's walk a little now, okay?"

"Yeah, sure"

He held your hand.

"You said you liked hiking, that you missed nature..." he looked at you "I thought it would be a walk you would like."

Your heart almost jumped. You said a lot of things to Joel when he passed by Tipsy, but you could swear that he was just nodding out of politeness, it didn't seem like he was absorbing the information, keeping your words to himself. That was very cute.

The trail went up the mountain, and at no time did he let go of your hand. He said that he had already come here with Ellie, - which was very sweet, you understood that it was an important place for him - you talked about trivial things in life before the outbreak. You already knew some things, such as, for example, he and Tommy worked with construction companies, contractors, things like that. It was a surprise for him, when you say that you was a biologist.

"Fancy..."

You shook your head.

"It's not like this profession is very useful now, you know. Builders are much more fancy."

He smiled.

You said that you did a lot of field work, research and always ended up in the middle of the woods, these experiences were what ended up helping you survive in the first years of the outbreak.

Being walking around there, next to Joel, the strongest of him holding yours, surrounded by nature, one of the places where you felt most comfortable, filled your senses with peace and calm.

There was a patrol post in the middle of the way, Joel passed by, he didn't take long, he just removed a guitar from somewhere very well kept there.

"I'll leave it here for when we're going to do longer patrols..." he explained as he slides his hand through the instrument.

"I didn't know you played..."

"You will find out why, of almost no one having the joy of knowing," he said ironically.

You laughed.

When you reached the top, you had to hold back the urge to cry. Joel let go of your hand, watching you take small steps, looking at the view in front of you. You've been to beautiful places before, but being there, with the world in that scenario, next to a man who thought about the fact how much you would like something like that, was simply indescribable. Such an affectionate gesture on his part.

Your hands covered your mouth. You looked at him with teary eyes. The view was stunningly beautiful, exciting. The mountains in the background. The green, the trees. The sky. Him. Everything was perfect.

"Did you like it?" He asked quietly as he approached you.

"Joel..." you looked back at the landscape that looked millimetrically hand-painted "it's perfect... I loved it, this place is amazing"

He smiled, hugged you from behind, resting his chin on your head, his arms around you. You stayed there for a while. The cold wind cut you, a painfully pleasant feeling of knowing that you were closer to the sky.

Joel opened his backpack, extending a blanket on the floor, removing fruit, water, and a bottle of tea. You sat down, Joel leaning against a trunk of a tree, you in the middle of his legs, resting on his breasts, his hands on yours, separating just to reach some drink, or some fruit, your fingers intertwined stroking each other's hand.

He played the guitar for you. This man's voice is a threat to your heart.

"I wanted to be a singer when I was younger"

"You would have been a star. Women would go crazy"

He laughed.

“You are such good lier”

You tried to convince him that he was really good at that. But he was a modest man, and too shy to receive so many compliments.

The silence was comfortable too, you had a book in your hand, feeling the sun on your skin, the birds flying in the sky. Joel was also reading.

"Joel?" You tilted your head back, leaning against his chest, to look at him.

"Mhmm?"

"Did you plan all this?"

He nodded behind you.

"You simply, you just eliminated any kind of competition, you know that, right? After today, it will simply be impossible for anyone to surpass you"

He sighed a smile.

"When you told me you missed nature, this was one of the first places that came to my mind.”

“Thank you, I really liked it”

“Yeah… I just didn't imagine that I would have the opportunity to one day bring you here"

You turned to look at him.

"Why?"

He seemed to be embarrassed.

"I didn't think you would give me a chance"

You settled to face him.

"What do you mean?"

He looked away, looking beyond you, at the landscape. He seemed afraid to say the words. One of his hands that were at your waist, reached a small and thin branch on the floor to distract his attention.

"Did you really think I was going to Tipsy just to drink that damn whiskey that Seth serves?"

You kept analyzing his face. Without answering.

"Tommy and I got better whiskeys when we went on patrol" he threw the branch on the floor, looked at you again "I'm going to Tipsy because I wanted to see you"

It took you a while to process the information.

"Joel..."

"I wanted to spend time with you, but look at you..."

You frowned.

"I never imagined that a woman like you would waste some time with a man like me, and... besides, I didn't want to bother you"

You tilted your head, your hands held his face, affectionately directing his gaze to you.

"Joel, what could a woman like me want, if not a man like you?"

He smiled, embarrassed and tried to divert his face from his touch.

"Look at me," you said, holding his face again, "you are a kind, generous, polite, respectful, honest man, I would waste any time with you"

His eyes seemed painful, as if your words were being stuck in his skin, as if he were being forced to believe your words, as if he himself was not able to recognize the man he was.

You caressed his rebellious hair, approaching him, to kiss him, soft and gentle in the beginning. But this was gradually being replaced by a needy pain, when his hand went up to your neck, the other fixing your legs so that you were on his lap, putting your legs around his hip, your arms leaned on his wide shoulders, he pulled you close, his hand sliding through the hem of your blouses, letting some fingers brush your skin. You moaned in his mouth, your skin shivering, his tongue plunged into you, making you press yourself against him, putting your body stuck to his, his hands went down to your hip, but his fingers squeezed the flesh of your ass. You were about to start moving your hips in search of relief when he walked away from you panting.

His forehead stuck to yours. You smiled.

"Sweetheart” he said “Maybe we should go back..."

"Yeah, it seems like a good idea"

You made a slight cuddle on his hair, he pressed some quick kisses on your lips, before you got up, put things away, and made the trail back.

The way back to Jackson was faster. Joel left Callus in the stables, it was almost incredible that you spent almost the whole day together, it was almost the end of the afternoon when you were making their way back to your house. You still had to work at night. Everyone who passed by you two, delayed their eyes, your eyes caught some women whispering among them. You pretended not to see it.

You were almost in front of your house.

"I hope I didn't make you tired, you still work tonight, right?"

"That’s right, but I'm not tired, it was basically like recharging the energies"

He smiled.

You were about to climb the stairs from your balcony. He held your hand.

"Can I see you tonight?" He looked at you looking for any kind of approval on your face.

"Joel, you can see me whenever you want"

He seemed satisfied.

"But you can come in if you want. I still have some time, until I start my shift"

You held his hand harder. Almost as if he had no choice but to accept. He nodded. You went up the stairs, opening the door, pulling him behind you.

As soon as you were inside your house, he pushed you against the door. Kissing you, slipping his tongue inside your mouth, he put his knee in the middle of your leg, causing a perfect pressure for the friction you needed from the heated kiss you gave on the mountain, you shook your hip, he moaned in your mouth. His cock was already hard and arching.

Going down kisses down your jaw, your fingers pulling his hair.

"I won't be able to wait until after work for this," you murmured.

"I was hope not" he said in his skin.

He could feel your need by rubbing your hip on his leg. Fuck, he wanted to feel you, sink into you, he thought about it so much for so long, that it was the realization of a fucking dream, kiss your beautiful mouth and have your perfect body like that for him.

His hands slid up your ass, pulling your body to him, you moaned. Your hands pushed his coat to the ground, desperately unbuttoning his shirt.

He pulled you up, so that you were on his lap, your legs crossed his waist, his hands on your ass holding you.

"Where is the room, babe?" He asked panting.

"Third door on the left"

He walked with you in his arms, while you kissed messy, you pushed your coat to the floor along the corridor. Cursing the - now - exaggerated amount of clothes. Joel put you on the floor, helping you undo the buttons on his shirt. Pulling his blouses by his arms, you undoed his belt, the button of his pants, he pulled the last shirt he wore by his body.

God! He was beautiful, so hot. You kissed the firm skin of his chest, he pulled your last blouse by your arm, and almost whimpered when he saw your naked breasts for him - you were not a fan of bras - your nipple was hardened, your skin goosebumps.

“Fuck, you're more beautiful than I could imagine," he murmurs, pushing you to bed.

His hands deliciously squeeze the soft skin of your breasts, he goes down a path of kisses through your collarbone, slipping his lips through your skin, until he finds your nipple, he gently passes his tongue through him, while the other hand squeezed your other breast, your silky skin against his big, calloused and warm hands, his mouth closes over your nipple, sucking you there.

You can't contain the moan that rises from the bottom of your chest, arching with the feeling of his mouth on your body. He slides his mouth to the other chest, doing the same to him. Your hands get tangled in his hair.

He slides his lips down your belly, deposits a kiss just below your navel.

"Are you sure of that?" He pauses, looking at you.

“Yes, Joel”

He kisses your belly once again and pulls the jeans by the legs.

Your panties had a shamefully damp spot.

"Fuck, babe" he slid his finger over hot and wet fabric "are you needy for me all day?"

"From the moment you suggested leaving" you were panting. "You are a bad man"

He smiles.

"I'm going to reward you"

You smiled. Breathing stuttering.

Joel hooked his fingers pulling your panties, throwing somewhere lost on the floor, crawling to the middle of your legs. He put a leg on each shoulder, it took him a second to appreciate the image of your pussy in front of him, you felt his warm breath approaching you, until he pressed a kiss on your clit. Your breathing trembles with the sensation.

He ran his tongue painfully from wandering from your hole to your clitoris.

“Tastes so fucking good..."

You moaned and he sank his tongue in your heat, moaning too, without avoiding the good taste you had, his hand passed by you, reaching your clitoris, your back arching for him.

He was literally eating your pussy, devouring you while you moaned arching at his touch, you were dripping, more and more wet while his tongue worked on you in a way you didn't even know was possible. He sank a finger inside you, feeling you contract as he stretched you, your breathing getting more and more panting, your hands ran to his hair. He bent his finger inside you, making you choke on the perfect feeling, pressing your clit more, you arched and undone around it, with a strangled moan, pushing deeper into you. He smiled, as he felt your body collapsing with pleasure for him.

He dragged his lips through your body, the wet and shiny beard, you were out of breath. He separated just enough to look at you, your hands were around his face.

"You're still sure..."

You pulled his face to yourself, kissing him, tasting you on his tongue. Your hands went down to push his jeans. He got up to take off the rest of his pants and underwear.

And, it was almost impossible for your to get better, but you had, he had a gloriously perfect cock, leaking from his swollen, big and thick head.

He knelt in the middle of your legs, taking his hands in your middle gathering your wet, passing over his length. Joel lowered his cock so that his head was in your hot and wet entrance, lay down on you, his body warm and heavy.

"Tell me if it hurts, and we'll stop, ok?"

You nodded.

***

He rested his forehead on yours, closing his eyes trying to focus on something other than your soft and naked body for him, something other than your incredibly hot pussy in which he was about to sink.

You passed your hands through his hair.

He pressed the head of his cock, and only then your pussy already clung to him tight. He pushed slowly inside you, little by little, giving you time to get used to him, desperately trying to focus on anything else, but your hands slid down his back pulling him against you, it was amazing. God! You feel so damn good.

He knew, he imagined it would be amazing, you were equally amazing, your beauty, your skin, your smile, he did not contain the grunt you made when you felt your hips meet and know that it was totally inside you. You clung to it, squeezing it, so hot and soft. The volume of your breasts below it, your body. Your mouth. You licked his lips.

It had been a long time since Joel felt this way, you fell so good, the feeling was painfully too hot, he could never dream of something as good as you taking him totally, deep in your wet heat.

"Fuck" you gasped in his ears “you feel… oh my God”

He felt you, every part of you, every muscle contracting, the weight of your breathing, your arms moving as if you wanted to touch most of it you could.

“I know, sweetheart” he kissed you while he was deep inside you. Starting to move, your hip moved to meet him, you moaned in his mouth “You taking me so well”

Joel was slow, he couldn't press too much, he would cum too fast. He took his time, savoring every part of you, every kiss, and every movement he made, listening to the beautiful sounds you exhaled through him.

When his cock was painfully tight on you, he moved faster, more urgent, your fingers stuck in his skin, your legs intertwined his back, he knew you wouldn't last much longer, your walls squeezing around his cock. Your breathing stuttering.

"I won't last much longer..." he murmured on your shoulders "where...?"

"Inside me..."

He growled. While fucking you harder, faster, sinking deep inside you, your body faltered, with involuntary spasms, Joel held your body against his.

"Fuck, that’s it, cum for me" he said, feeling your walls pulsing around him “c’mon babe, that’s it”

He can't stand it, falling apart inside your heat, pulsing inside you. Your hands pressed his back causing him to somehow sink deeper into you. He moaned on your shoulder, feeling his fucking leaking from you, through his balls, on your leg.

His body collapsed on top of you, you kissed his shoulder, his neck. After his breaths stabilized, he raised his head to kiss you, soft, affectionate. He moved so you could lie down and bring you to lie on his chest.

"You're amazing" he said, moving your hair away from your back.

"And, you wouldn't ask me out, like, never"

He smiled.

"I think you need to reward me for lost time"

He looked at you. Smiling satisfied.

"I can start with today, after your work"

You snapped your eyes, you were going to get up quickly, but he held you.

"You can be a few minutes late"

You snuggled up on his skin.

“Sweetheart?”

“Mhmm?”

“When you said I eliminated all the competition, were you serious?”

You looked at him smiling.

“It’s not like there’s a line of men at the door of my house, but, yeah, I was serious, I mean, I’m not crazy not to take advantage of you”

He kissed the top of your head.

“You are a dangerous woman”

"Yeah?..." you bit your lips.

He pulled his leg to be on top of his.

"Yeah" He said quietly, knitting his eyebrows.

You kissed the skin of his chest, he slid his hands down your spine. Your arm grabbed his waist, his fingers caressed your arms.

“You’d better get ready, because if you’re willing, I intend to be the last man of your life”

Maybe you missed your work on this day.

[marbleboa]

Hiii sorry but lately I've been hyperfixated on the 7th division and Takeuchi ended up being my fav... And I saw your art of him and I loved it, I wanted to know if you had any headcanons about him ;3

Absolutely delighted to see a Takeuchi guy here, take my hand op. I do indeed have Many Thoughts, a lot of these more character musings than straightforward headcanons but! I hope these rambles interest you!

-I made this post a bit ago talking about how his whole Battle Mode deal changes his body, and further building on that— I imagine the frequent use of this has taken its toll, similar to Shibata: issues with his back, joints, etc. Projecting my TMJ on him as well, though I think all of this does ease somewhat as he uses his powers less and starts taking better care of himself.

-The power of his energy blasts is somewhat dampened by comparatively long charge up times and the way he always announces his attacks to enemies. He’s very particular about making sure all of his battle moves have impressive names—often several-words long.

-He and Mob are on a similar wavelength to me. Something something Ishiguro talking about how hard to read Takeuchi is, the way he skirts on the edge of the rest of the Scars’ circle, the way his powers seemed to be the only part of him valued by others…it’s like a different, lonelier path Mob could’ve gone on. I think he has similar difficulties figuring out what he wants from his future, like we see from Mob at the start of season 3.

-I think he’s close with Tsuchiya. Granted this is an anime only thing, but I really liked the detail where when Tsuchiya tackles Shimazaki off a building she calls out for Takeuchi by name and he immediately moves to help. It feels like a maneuver they’ve done before, like they know each other well enough to know what the other needs in a fight. It makes sense that they’d train together with both their powers being classified as qigong too.

-Post-Claw I feel like a few of the Scars go through this phase but Takeuchi especially, he gets in this mindset of like. I must now use my powers against Evil™️ so I can make up for what I’ve done. Because…fighting with powers, black/white ideologies, that’s a lot more familiar to the Scars than writing resumes or apartment-hunting or dealing with other people. Once Claw falls he does this vigilante stuff aimlessly for a while(maybe even runs into Teru again doing the same thing, haha).

-Following from that, I think eventually he gets back in touch with Tsuchiya and stays with her and Mukai for a while as he figures out what he wants to do. (I’m. Not quite sure what that is myself. I’m working on it)

-After Claw, he, Muraki and Sakurai have a book club every other Saturday. Takeuchi enjoys mystery novels.

-There’s more I’d like to research on the particulars re: ethnicities especially so I can improve on how I draw his features, but thus far I’ve been imagining at least part of his ancestry being somewhere from southern India.

-I’ve dabbled with the idea that his name is actually a tsūshōmei, or legal alias, something long-term residents of Japan from other countries can get for various reasons. One thought I had was that Toichiro picked him up in his global search for espers, and he was given another name by Claw to cover up any connection to his family. Or, someone in his family made that change after they started living in Japan, and he was born there under that name. Not sure if I’ll commit to this though, more to look into there too.

-I definitely think he was kidnapped by the organization some way or another— his powers were likely very strong at a young age so they probably got to him under the guise of mentorship. I’d like to think he eventually tries to get back in touch with his family once Claw’s gone.

-Really likes birds. He and Muraki are in close competition for Pigeons of Seasoning City’s Favorite

-He’s ambidextrous!

[luneariaa]

my first time ever writing for higuruma, and i'm not too satisfied w/ this + higu seemed ooc as well, i'm sorry :") trying to practice writing him more in the future! 💜🌻

. dividers by @/cafekitsune !! 🌻

And one more maple leaf fell to the hard ground. You bend over to pick it up, and examine it more closely with a small smile upon your features.

Just a day left before the year changes. You stood there underneath the shady tree, as if you were contemplating with your pool of thoughts. You aren't ready to leave this year behind, yet you're just glad and grateful that you're able to experience this moment of time and place.

"Ah, the leaf looks rather nice." Higuruma breaks the brief silence between the both of you, not knowing what other words to say at the same time. "And it's almost time for a new year too."

You simply gave him a warm look and a nod, then returned your attention to the leaf that was still in your fingers.

Higuruma returned the look that you gave him as a sudden question occurs to him, which feels completely natural on its' own.

"Have you thought of any wishes for the upcoming year yet?" He feels curious all of a sudden; also wanting to try to initiate any conversation with you as possible.

"Mm nope!" You shook your head, "Not yet at least."

"How about you?"

Higuruma hums for a bit; now standing not too far from where you are, but still keeping a reasonable distance between you two. "Well, if I'm being honest, I haven't really given it much thought as well."

"But if I really had to pick one, it might be something like, trying to spend more time with the people that I actually care about."

He stops just about there, not knowing what to say next. But also leaving you some room for whatever you wanted to say.

"Ah, that's nice then!" You nodded with an understanding look, before sending him a smile once again.

"So like, does that mean you're going to find any potential partner for the upcoming year?"

He snorts a bit in a lighthearted manner, obviously didn't mind your question. "I guess I've been so focused on my work that I really haven't thought about having any relationship.."

"It's almost frightening how fast the years have gone by, and how little time that I actually had for myself."

"Working, solving cases, paperworks.. I sometimes find myself thinking about how nice it would be to have someone to come home to at the end of the day."

"And yet when the evening arrives, I'm usually already way too exhausted." He shrugs with signs of acceptance in his expression. "Maybe I'm just not meant to be with anyone."

"Don't say that-- it's not true." You shook your head with a small sigh, partly disagreeing with his words. "Although I would agree with you; it's really nice to have someone that's actually waiting for you at the end of the day."

He nodded, fixing his attention on the existing lake being displayed ahead of you two. Just by the mere thought causes him to feel the temporary loneliness lingering within him, but quickly tries to brush off his thoughts.

It's seemingly pointless to ponder on such stuff, especially right now.

"I do wish the same for you though."

Higuruma gives you a light chuckle before adding up to the previous statement, "And who knows; maybe it'll be a tall, handsome man of your dreams."

You grinned widely at his rather corny remark while shaking your head amusingly. "Hmm.." With your eyes narrowing slightly in a mischievous manner, you shift your gaze to him.

“I suppose you got a point."

He merely nodded while looking everywhere else but you. You wonder what's running through his mind right now.

"But to be frank, I did found the one. I just didn't know if she would return the same feelings as I do for her, y'know."

And as he tells you, a small smile appears on his face. He wasn't looking at you when you did, so you kept on staring with a rather curious look.

You try not to get your hopes up, and you gotta admit that your heart did sting when he said those words.

You just needed a direct confirmation in a way, that is if he wanted to do so. You can't even tell what your own mind is blabbering about right now.

"I never knew when the moment would be right, even though I've been friends with her for quite some time now."

"But then again, who would love someone as busy as me?" It came off as more of a realization himself if anything. And even though the said person didn't have the same feelings as he did-- he'll be fine with it, and he won't stop loving her no matter what.

It took a while, but you eventually came out with a reply. "You're wrong," and this made him turn his gaze back to yours once more.

"How about this--" you began to suggest an idea to him, "--why don't you just try to go for it? It's better to confess as soon as you can than never."

God, you didn't even know why you would say anything as such if it only leads to your impending mental destruction, yet you still did it anyway.

But as long as he's happy; then you're happy for him as well. It's just how it works.

“You really think I should?"

His dark-coloured eyes focused on you alone, as if to try to let your words sink into his mind. The attorney let the idea weigh down a bit. "Won't that be too sudden?"

"I mean, if you really have feelings for her, then I guess you should." You encouragingly nod at him, trying not to act nosy on who he's actually referring to. It could hurt you more when you know that someone, especially when it's not you.

And of course, your words made him rethink the possible decision that he might finally make after all this time; trying to get into his own finalised conclusion.

“I guess I'll have to try."

"Do wish me luck then."

"Good luck!" You beamed at him-- or at least, tried to, and thought he would leave elsewhere afterward. But no, he remained in his previous spot as he seemed to be contemplating something more.

"You know, the woman I liked-- she's just amazing." Higuruma smiles to himself, much to your slight confusion as to why he would tell you such a thing. Not that you minded much, you suppose.

"Compassionate, honest, beautiful. I can just go on for hours talking about her."

When he realises your answers become way less and not even bother to look at him in the eye, he pushes himself to ask you something further.

"I'm curious though."

"Out of everything that I told you so far, did anyone cross your mind at least?" You somehow missed the mischievous glint that was present within that moment, temporarily distracted by some people who passed by the other side of the lake.

"I don't know..?" You paused for a second, "Was it Sakiko?"

A random guess, but worth a shot. The attorney has his eyes widened slightly and unexpectedly, before his lips cracking more into an amused grin.

"Sakiko? No, not her." He tells you that with a voice full of confidence, and with your even more perplexed expression, along with eye contact helps him more.

"I was honestly talking about you the entire time."

Now, it's your turn to be baffled-- eyes widening slightly at his unexpected statement. "I-I'm sorry?"

This isn't what you're expecting at all, and suddenly you feel dumb for your own thoughts from before. Higuruma lets his stare linger upon your form for much longer; a smile still present.

"I know this might sound sudden--"

"-- But yes, I was actually referring to you." The attorney confirms all of your suspicions with ease. Higuruma has nothing much to fear, not anymore.

"Oh, well-- I didn't expect that actually." With the clear of your throat, you tried your best to keep your composure despite your flustered expression at the realisation slowly unravelling itself before you.

"I really thought you meant someone else.."

Higuruma chuckles once again, finding your current state rather endearing. If anything, he adores it.

Slowly, but surely, he takes a few steps closer to you, cupping your cheek tenderly with one of his hands. You stayed frozen at your spot, still trying to process the whole situation that's unfolding at the very moment.

"I'm merely being honest when I said all of those words."

"That's just like, a few of them. Because if I were to try to list every trait of yours that I genuinely adore--" He gazes into your eyes; a look that's filled with genuine warmth and a look that seems to be piercing straight into your soul, yet comfortingly so. "-- it would be endless."

Your face is just straight-up heating at this point, while your heart is beating wildly against your ribcage upon the proximity that you both shared. You would've melted if you could.

It's just so sweet. He's trying to take his time to properly confess to you.

"Do you have any idea how badly I've wanted to tell you those words?" His voice, barely a whisper, continued on with a soft caress on your cheek.

"But I was afraid back then."

"I didn't want to ruin anything-- our friendship, that we have built together."

“But you somehow gave me the strength to do so. I needed it so much."

Finally regaining your own composure and processing his words, you gazed at him still, with an affectionate look of your own. The way you smiled up at him-- God, he feels like he falls in love with you all over again.

"I'm actually glad that you did."

"So now, I don't have to hide my feelings for you too." And it oddly sounds easier admitting out those words right now; the words flowing out of your mouth ever so naturally as possible than before.

“Really?" He chuckled lightly, still holding onto you. "You've been waiting for me too?"

The leaves from the tree continued to fall toward you both, but none of you bothered to pay any attention to it-- and so did the passersby from afar.

With newfound enthusiasm, you nodded with a grin that’s now plastered on your features beautifully. The feeling of utter relief is so real for the both of you-- and the feeling just blooms even more when he wraps both of his strong arms around your form, and places his forehead against yours.

He looks extremely content, and it's such a pleasing sight to see because he's been so preoccupied with his work ( and thoughts of you ) as per usual these days so often.

But knowing that he won't have to spend the upcoming new year alone without a partner anymore-- with the woman he loves so dearly, it's all worth it in the end.

© 𝚌𝚊𝚜𝚜.

[the-oracle-of-the-lost]

okok i finished Joy to the World here are my thoughts (spoilers under the cute)

i will admit to be being biased towards liking Moffat's style of writing, particularly his Christmas specials which are almost all dear episodes to me in one way or another so as much as i think dw desperately needs new writers, i was excited he was writing this vs RTD.

and i wasn't let down! it was a good episode and had all the great marks of a Christmas special being a little cheesy & over-sentimental while still maintaining a plot with the Time Hotel being a super cool setting that definitely should be used in the future

turning That Weird Hotel Door into an episode plot is the most Doctor Who plot we've had in a longgggg time.

something i've been a little critical of dw in recent years has been how it's dealt with one-off characters and how it either seems like one-off characters get ALL the focus of an episode (and almost none on the main characters) or one-off characters only exist to give some expository dialogue and then stand around like cardboard cut-outs and i'm so pleased that this episode had three new one-off characters (Joy, Trev, & Anita) who were all memorable (i mean seriously. i remembered their names without even trying which i almost never do) and had clear arcs while the Doctor also had some very strong & clear characterization regarding his loneliness carrying on from last season.

speaking of the Doctor – that scene with the two Doctors getting stuck in the loop and the young Doctor taking out their frustrations on their older self was so good in terms of writing and acting. plus seeing it from both the younger & older Doctor's perspective.... ouch. Ncuti Gatwa you deserve the world.

there was an excellent mix of comedy and drama. a few moments (jokes and drama) fell a little flat for me but there was plenty of good stuff to make up for it.

the whole scene with the Doctor trying to make Joy angry to break the briefcase's control was predictable but still a classic. her getting angry about her mom dying on Christmas during covid when she couldn't even visit and the hypocrisy of the government for partygate was great tbh. i've been quite passively interested with how recent media has or hasn't been incorporating the pandemic into the world and i thought this was quite a good way to do it for Doctor Who with someone expressing rightful grief and anger over something so many people prefer not to even talk about. (on a personal note – i was watching the episode with my mom who worked on covid units during 2020 and saw a lot of her patients die alone and have last conversations through ipads and the grief that caused and she at least was quite affected and touched by the episode including that. okay sorry for the downer, back to fun stuff.)

the Doctor buying TARDIS merch online to decorate his room was such a fun little way to add to the fourth wall arc of the last season. i'm still a little unsure of where it's going and if the ending will deliver but the gags do please me.

the running theme with Villengard has me kinda 50-50. on one hand i love to expressly make weapons manufacturers into clear villains! on the other, i feel like the episode never really got into how Villengard wasn't going to exploit the Joy-Star as was their original plan (and really what their original plan was about other than a vague "creating infinite energy"). but as this is the second time Villengard has popped up as the villain behind an episode, i feel hopeful that we'll explore more of their villainy in the future.

that said.... creating a new star for infinite energy.... you mean like Gallifrey.... you mean like the Eye of Harmony right. (i don't really have anything to talk about but just rotating the parallels to the EU idea of one of Gallifrey's suns being artificially constructed.)

i'm also kinda eh on the last stinger of the Joy-Star being at Jesus's birth. it wasn't explicit (just a location & time stamp at the end) so i think i'm good with it and it's kind of a funny bit, but i am always a bit wary of weaving in aspects of actual religions to Doctor Who & shows like it because it can often be handled poorly. that said i'm not religious in the slightest so i don't really think i can be the one to judge that.

the one thing i didn't love so much about the episode, and i think i noticed it more because i did a double feature watch with The Church on Ruby Road but... there's something in the way other characters interact with the Doctor that just feels a bit same-y. like with Trev, Joy, and Anita (and Ruby in The Church on Ruby Road) – they all never really questioned the Doctor (particularly Anita. and like. i do love characters who simply Roll With It but this was a little too much) and all had the "wow this is the most wonderful man i've ever met" expression on their face after 5 minutes of knowing this guy. and. i get it. that's part and parcel with most of new who and it's wonderful that Ncuti Gatwa, a Black man, can have those moments of being the cool amazing hero that everyone loves but... eh i personally prefer Doctors who can take awhile to warm up to and the constant "i've known this guy for 10 seconds and i'm going to risk my life for him" can be a bit grating for me. but again it's nothing that wasn't constantly done during Ten's era so it's not the worst thing, just not my personal tastes.

the ending was too cheesy for me i'm sorry. i like the bittersweetness of Joy dying to turn into a star but the over-emotional goodbye with her floating up into the sky without really having a solid plot reason for what's happening. i thought the Earth was going to explode and then 30 seconds later, Joy basically says "oh don't worry, i took care of it" like??? sorry i know this is extremely soft scifi but i need a little more explanation. her pointing out the Doctor's loneliness was welcome as was the montage of people looking at her star but. i need a little more.

um. i'm probably forgetting some other stuff but this is already so long at this point that i'm going to stop and watch Husbands of River Song and cry.

all in all – nice episode! definitely one of the better Fifteen episodes for me. a few moments i thought were a little too cheesy or annoying but plenty of great stuff in between. i'd give it an 8/10.

[peachymilkandcream]

Teacher's Pet|Part 4|Teacher Levi x Student Evelyn

WARNINGS: implied noncon/dubcon, yandere themes/behaviours, power imbalance, manipulation, mind breaking, blackmail, violence, mentions of mental health struggles, age difference, misogyny, kidnapping, etc.

===============================================

Throughout the course of the nest week something felt...off. Peers that she had started to befriend and get to know started to not become distant and ignored her. It was like all her hard work regarding friendship was gone. Even her own roommate, who she hadn't gotten to know super well but who had been friendly enough to her seemed super closed off now, and that Evelyn made her uncomfortable.

She heard the whispers of rumors going around but not grasping the whole story. All she knew was that they were rather scathing of her character and everyone was talking about it. Everyone was talking about her.

She wasn't sure what caused it, her school life was becoming more distant and lonely, no one seemed to care about her at all and preferred to keep their distance. Those that didn't openly mocked her for every little thing. What was going on here? She was on a campus full of people but she felt entirely isolated.

The loneliness ate at her so much that she finally broke, confronting her roommate directly as to why she felt like she was living with a complete stranger.

"Hey, have I, done something to offend you?"

"What? No- of course not-" She was lying, clearly, unwilling to start a confrontation right here right now.

"It's just that, we used to at least talk to each other and now you won't even look at me. Please, tell me what I did wrong and I'll never do it again."

"It's nothing can't you just leave me alone?"

"No, I have to know. Everyone on campus is giving me the cold shoulder, I can't even begin to make friends when no one is willing to give me a chance. Please, tell me what's going on."

"Shouldn't you know that yourself?" She spat suddenly.

Evelyn was caught off guard a moment. "What? How could I know? I don't know what I did?"

"Look Evelyn, I'm sorry. You seem nice enough but I don't want my name attached to you."

"Just tell me why!"

"Because you're a boyfriend stealing slut! Everyone knows it. A desperate for attention girl who sends nudes to any guy who's number she has. I don't want to be around that!"

Evelyn was dumbfounded, what the hell was she talking about? "Where did you hear that? It's not true!"

"Everyone says that you regularly go to frat parties just to have as many guys who are willing to have you. That you were jealous that Petra is so popular with guys that you started throwing yourself out there until you became more popular than her. Then you started sending nudes and some girl said you slept with her boyfriend knowing they were together and talked shit about her while fucking him."

"Listen to me, I haven't done anything like that. It's just a lie! Something someone spread!"

"Do you have proof that you didn't?"

"Of course not! You just have to take my word for it. I wouldn't be that type of person. I'm a virgin, I've never even had sex with a guy before. Please, believe me."

"Sure, whatever you say Evelyn." She brushed past her and out of their shared room.

================================================

Evelyn's roommate moved out a week after their conversation. Apparently she had begged to change dorms so as not to have the association attached with Evelyn's name. So far no one wanted to move in with her given the current reputation that she had. She couldn't live like this, she had so much time at school left and it was being ruined by shitty rumors. Where could they have come from?

She reviewed the current allegations against her in her head. And the only conclusion she came to by the end of it was clear. Only one thing stood out. That she was jealous of Petra for being popular with guys.

It was right then that she had a feeling who was spewing all this crap.

Evelyn got herself ready as best she could, steeling her nerves as best as she could manage before marching out of her room. She was going to give Petra a piece of her mind.

[spc-rambles]

I adore the steelworks gang, like more than I've seen other people express online.

First of all...

My little icon Lexi.

They have been known and initially regarded for their silly voices and jolly nature but I don't often see people looking into why they do it. Like their voices make them more wild than Marion who's generally loved by some fans but they also do it in spite of themselves. They and Theo did an entire upbeat song about how much they are failures to railway engineering with lyrics like:

"We're experiments gone bad

in other words whoever designed us must be mad."

These are not the words of someone with self esteem in how funny they are! They even showed them actually depressed when saying 'We can't do anything.' for the final time in the special.

And anyone who knew how long it took for more in-your-face LGBT+ representation in 2018 She-Ra will know that if this special just came out three or four years later, we might've had proper gender-fluid Lexi representation.

As for Theo...

He is still a pure little bean and I feel the ambiguity of his design makes it all the more reason for him to feel bad about his design. I don't know what about his design warranted gigantic cogs on his sides but we don't know what went on in whatever workshop he was built at. For all we know he could've had the Henry treatment, having been dumped on the doorstep on the first desperate railway executive needed an engine, as a last ditch effort for a dying manufacturer.

As for him being on the spectrum, I can still see it in his behaviour. Lexi was truly not gender fluid but once you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person.

And some characteristics are visible in him.

His unintentional bluntness. "Are you being scrapped?"

His tics and stutters.

His shakes in excitement, if you were to count it as stimming.

And who's to say he's not limited to physical disabilities? He and Lexi, depending on how successful you can view it having designs as unique as them on British rails, are the perfect ones to have given the body language they were adamant on giving all the engines back then.

Him being so gentle and anxious is generally adorable, so yeah, not so much to say about his actual personality.

Speaking of not much to say, not much to say on Merlin either, at least nothing that people haven't said already. We all know how awesome he is.

Beresford is MY MAN!

Beresford just wants a friend guys. He said in his own song that he was always ignored by engines who just want to get a job done. No time to chat with him. Loneliness can drive him mad. It is kinda sad that his appearance in Royal Engine was not only a sign of the further appearances these characters could've had but how it was also kinda a rehash of the scene we got in his last appearance, so maybe an episode of his own where he learnt to make friends properly would've been fun.

Ah well, at least he got some friends in another life.

And what can I say about Hurricane?

Keeping it real, working with steel.

Since 1902

He is such a chill guy, that while his companion might've had a lot of hard labour in mind for Thomas, he seems so genuine in wanting to take Thomas in while still acknowledging his terrible position. He could've done with standing up to Frankie though. But whatever, that's meant to be a part of his character, and he was voiced by the chad Jim Howick no less.

It's so funny when people say he sounded like a member of the royal family when he's played kings before.

And then there's Frankie.

Oh my god I adore her so much. Her manipulation being legitimately intimidating at the best times, especially when she's actually chasing Thomas down in the dead of night, her musical style bribing him into working for her, her VA's performance capturing all of her personality through line delivery perfectly.

Everything about her class, her demeanour, most of her lines makes me so curious about her whole life.

How is she running this steelworks better than the human manager of the works if there even is one? How are the human workmen so ok with her doing this? How did the other engines before Thomas get into doing her work? How did they get out? How did Hurricane stay with her for this long, let alone not encourage some potential friends of his to work with her? Was she indirectly responsible for Hurricane surviving as long as he did to still be a tank engine after she was built? Why didn't the railways surrounding this fictional steelworks not agree with this most likely non-existent human manager not just agree to get a lot of their engines to transport steel from their works? What did Frankie do? What are you hiding from us!?

The whole mystery surrounding her and her apparently feeling put-down and apparently not evil at heart according to her character profile and her role in the book 'Delivery at the Docks' makes her potential crimes such a goldmine for story potential that I really want to delve into very soon.

And yeah, that's what I have to say on them in canon. All beautiful characters that I feel need more recognition on a regular basis.

[critter-genfic-events]

Caduceus Clay: A Critical Role Gen-fic Rec List

Well hello friends! Please enjoy these ten amazing fics that are all about our favorite Grave Cleric Firbolg! Oh, and don't forget to show the authors some love if you liked their work!

we ain't got much (but we've got history) by Chrome (3705,Mature) Warnings: Unhappy ending, Major character death Pairings: Caduceus Clay & Cree

In the aftermath of the fight with Lucien, Caduceus struggles to find the peace he expected in his homecoming. Obviously, there's something left to be done.

Reccer says: It's a wonderful internal Caduceus voice and the way it doesn't sugarcoat Cree is amazing.

All These Ghosts I've Grown With by A_Orbit (1702,General) Warnings: none Pairings: Caduceus Clay & Clay Family

Cad is struggling to return to his old life with his family. A late night argument leads to some catharsis

Reccer says: I like how it gives space for Cad to have feelings about reintegrating with his family and process them, at least a little bit.

Wild's Grandeur by Operafloozy (3741,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Caduceus Clay & the Clay Family

Caduceus has changed since his family last left. It's sometimes hard for everyone to adjust to things being like they were before

Reccer says: I always love when an Author gives Caduceus room to hurt

sediment, sentiments by justlikeswitchblades (1385,General) Warnings: none Pairings: Caduceus Clay & Fjord

Fjord visits Caduceus in the Blooming Grove. They dig a grave and catch up

Reccer says: The Caduceus voice is spare and lyrical, and there's a wonderful sense of comfort and understanding between Fjord and Caduceus.

Too much. Maybe. by bogfable (5081,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Caduceus & The Mighty Nein

The Nein go to a festival and Caduceus gets overwhelmed. But thankfully his friends are there to help him

Reccer says: I love how sensory overload is expressed in this, and the hurt/comfort is delightful!

a little breeze tossing a leaf in a circle by fadewords (19453,General) Warnings: depiction of sensory overload (can be overwhelming if you have hyperempathy about it) Pairings: None

A fic centred on Caduceus spending his time alone while the Nein are in Zadash for two weeks. Centred mostly on Caduceus's faith and him being neurodivergent and dealing with a city for the first time.

Reccer says: Fave autism/adhd rep I've ever read. Nice train-of-thought writing style.

dragonfly year by bogfable (51839,Teen) Warnings: depictions of hallucinations and delusions, drug use, mental health issues Pairings: Caduceus clay & The Mighty Nein

University AU fic about Caduceus and loneliness and meeting the Nein, which helps a lot.

Reccer says: Nothing

both sacred and dust by SongOfWizardry (5237,Teen) Warnings: none Pairings: Caduceus Clay & The Mighty Nein

Caduceus takes some time to process his years away from his family through discussions with the rest of the Nein.

Reccer says: All of the voices are pitch-perfect, and allows the nein to be supportive of Caduceus in their own way. I especially love the Yasha and Fjord sections.

the holding on, the letting go by in_june (2782,Teen) Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Pairings: Caduceus Clay & The Mighty Nein

Four times Caduceus braided someone's hair (or had his hair braided), and one time he braids his own.

Reccer says: Nothing

the shape of home by marginaliana (1804,General) Warnings: none Pairings: Caduceus Clay & Caleb Widogast, Caduceus Clay & the Clay family

Caduceus has gotten used to feeling too big, out on the road – but now he's home, in this cottage built for a big family of big people, and so it must be something else he feels too big for. Caleb helps him understand.

Reccer says: Nothing

If you liked this rec list, follow along for more! We'll be posting a new list with a new theme each Monday. And if you would like to make a rec yourself, feel free to reach out to @professor-rye to request access to the submission form! Next week, we'll be presenting gen fics all about First Aid! Give us that tasty hurt/comfort!

[rosesradio]

they way I actually do not even like the blood of Olypmus, because like.... it is not even well written and i criticized it many times in the past. But the way even BoO is better than this book is...? because i evel liked solangelo better in that book even if it was trash im sorry lol. at least nico's character was written nice. his relationship with reyna was solid, and his scene with hazel in the hades cabin scene was adorable.

yeah, hard agree. granted it's been a while since i've reread BoO (my favorite is tlh & honestly it gets worse as it goes but--), but i do remember it being a little all over the place and underwhelming at the same time. not to mention the caleo content annoyed me.

(also yeah solangelo was shoved together so last minute in BoO, and will seeming to confront/blame nico for his loneliness was off-putting--i'm a fanon valdangelo fan, but as far as canon goes piper should have had her own moment to come out in hoo (instead of it just being mentioned for a page in toa) & then they should have built up jasico. but.)

with caleo & solangelo (& percabeth) & most riordanverse ships in general, richard loves the "they bicker but they love each other" trope. i think this worked out fine for percabeth, considering the way it was written showed they still liked each other, especially due to it being from percy's first person pov. with some of the other ships & something of a decline in writing quality, we've gotten this trope to such an extent that it literally seems like some of the characters hate each other. people picked up on this in tsats as well as past books. caleo got so bad in toa (i didn't read past the second book but i've seen spoilers/excerpts) that i literally thought that they were building to a cameo with a mentioned breakup in tsats, though my best boy leo was only a mere mention.

(then again nico's own sister was a mere mention as well & i think was mentioned even less than leo so they really don't understand what the relationships are supposed to look like between the characters--)

overall i've found that i often value the platonic relationships of the series even more than a lot of the ships. percy & grover's frienship was top tier from the first chapter, nico & reyna were a great pair as well (their moment of returning the athena parthenos & her saying they had "two homes now" is still remembered to most readers as one of the best parts of the book). i feel like if richard wrote his platonic relationships better (because most all of them have been essentially abandoned atp) it would make up for the fan-service-y quality of the romantic ships, but what do i know.

[monocytogenes]

For Quinn x Isra!

What is something their S/O does that makes them flustered?

Who typically tends to initiate intimacy first (this can be a conversation, action or anything)?

Is there a word or gesture that makes either of them melt?

Gonna be some sexy stuff in here because this ship is Kink Central, so have a look under the cut:

What is something their S/O does that makes them flustered?

Quinn is really easy to fluster--he's canonically weird about public displays of affection and open sexytalk in general since he's basically an edwardian british officer in space, lol. Isra can make him blush and stammer with very little provocation; the more interesting angle of this question in regard to him, I think, is what makes him both flustered and horny, and that's more or less just "Isra being dominant at him in front of other people".

That includes such gems as: Isra pressing a hand against the small of his back, gripping him by the upper arm to direct him somewhere, resting her palm against his thigh, or draping a leg over his. (I've got another one as an answer to the third question below!) Sometimes it's as simple as her complimenting him in that tone; an admiring "good job" said just so can get him going.

Between her relative confidence and his politeness Isra flusters comparatively less often; she can still get a little out of sorts when he's more forward than she's expecting. They've definitely had moments where he's watched her best a bad guy and made some insane request afterward ("that kick was captivating; I'd kiss your foot for the privilege of it") and she's been like. Uhhhhhh. I wasn't in that headspace at ALL, let me. Figure out how we could do that safely.

(There was definitely a choking talk. One has to press the sides of the neck; she is not risking snapping your hyoid with the Force--)

Who typically tends to initiate intimacy first (this can be a conversation, action or anything)?

You'd think it be Isra, but it's actually a pretty even divide! He technically initiates their first time through a desperate, rambling declaration of all the things he'd like her to do to him; she initiates a second encounter through sort of jumping him on the bridge of her ship; there's another instance where he propositions her through volunteering to help her out of her armor, and so forth. I headcanon him having a slightly stronger sex drive than she does, actually--at least while he's in the process of working through all his loneliness and repression--so while she has fewer reservations about initiating, his neediness drives him to ask plenty of times, too.

Isra's definitely more flirty and physical in approach--she'll banter, tease, get all up on him. Quinn's more likely to couch the request in something superficially innocuous or softer forms of affection. Their kinky practices help him in this regard--he'll say something more groveling than usual, imply she ought to put him in his place, just ease a liiiitttle beyond his usual deference and she'll pick up that implication and run with it. It's a shared language between them, really, that arose naturally from their existing power differential.

Later in their relationship--and certainly in their marriage--intimacy becomes sort of a shared game or team project, largely consisting of Quinn coming to her with fantasies and her figuring out how to interpret them through the toolset of kink. They plan a lot of their encounters and (certainly at his insistence) schedule them, while still having a fair amount of impromptu sex kicked off by, say, Isra feeling him up with her foot under a table or Quinn cuddling with her in bed. I do think a substantial proportion of those spur-of-the-moment trysts consist of either her getting him off or him getting her off; Isra honestly doesn't come from penetration the majority of the time and they're not always mutually horny between long scenes, so one of them just caring for the other and enjoying the closeness is enough.

Is there a word or gesture that makes either of them melt?

In a sweet way: Isra loves when Quinn uses endearments, since he was so intent on addressing her formally until they got together romantically: "my love", "dearest", that sort of thing. She's not as saccharine personally, and knows he hates nicknames, so her corresponding endearment is "husband" after they marry. He doesn't think it should affect him, but it totally does when said tenderly.

In a horny way: Isra can always, always grasp Quinn by the jaw/cheek and turn his head to make him look at her to instantly turn his brain to mush. Considering how incredibly clothed he is most of the time, she finds it similarly erotic when he unfastens his jacket collar or shirt to show a bit of skin while making eye contact with her--it's something she explicitly told him she finds hot, and he's adopted it as a seduction technique since.

[fishy-xp]

compounded disasters part 7.2

pete and macau and the gap in-between (a/n: sorry it's been so long, i've been hella busy and haven't had any creative inspiration for a while. also i didn't mean for this to become so long but guess it's a trilogy now lmao. i promise the third part will also be the final lol maybe, probably, don't quote me on that!)

macau became nomadic for the next few days. the school, the hospital and the markets, rinse and repeat. these were the only certainties in his life. he didn't know the particulars of what the shoot-out meant for their family hierarchy but he had gone back to the minor family compound to see it swarmed with major family bodyguards. it wasn't the not knowing that made him feel like he wanted to take a bullet to his head, it was the overwhelming feeling of loneliness. macau couldn't even step inside his own home, he simply turned and left.

the first new nights were the worse. he stayed at the hospital until one of the nurses had to gently coax him into leaving. he could fight if he wanted, to threaten her and everyone else to let him stay. it would work but he didn't. he didn't have that same viciousness his brother and father shared. at least, he didn't think he did.

he'd go back to the markets, to wander around aimlessly until he got bored. then he'd find a crate and sit. he sat until his body was numb and watched the rest of the night go by. when the markets began to thin out around 4am in the morning, he helped the store owners clean up before heading to school. he did this again and again, taking intermittent naps at school and then a longer one at the hospital, hoping that when he woke, so would vegas.

---

"i still can't believe that pete."

macau perks up, having fallen semi-unconscious whilst perched on his crate. macau never bothered to learn bodyguard's names, especially not major family ones but he knew the three that were sent to the minor family a few months back. and the name pete always left his brother's mouth with this smile of almost fondness, if macau could describe it that way.

he sees two major family bodyguards perusing the markets whilst conversing. the young boy turns his face away and pretends to be searching for something.

"same, to leave the major family and betray us like that? all for khun vegas? who would willingly side with a loser and kill one of us. he's lucky khun kinn doesn't want his head."

macau was confused. pete left the major family? for vegas?

pete visited the hospital everyday too. he stayed outside, only looking in through the small rectangle window on the door and checking in with the doctor on vegas' condition. at first macau needed to control every fibre of his being to not storm out and give the stupid bodyguard another piece of his mind. he thought he was there for surveillance, to report back if vegas woke up or to even kill him whilst macau wasn't watching. he didn't know, but either way, he didn't trust pete.

but then he began to notice a few things. pete was never in uniform, never wore that stuffy suit and crest, only shorts and long-sleeves. the way he looked at vegas too, macau couldn't exactly understand what it was, but it almost seemed hopeful. each time pete would first come with that look on his face only to be disappointed that vegas hadn't waken yet. food would also magically appear on the small coffee table every time macau woke from his nap, a hot meal way too good to be bought from the hospital cafeteria.

--

"you can come in you know."

pete stood frozen outside the hospital room as the door was abruptly swung open and macau's head stuck out to look directly at him. the young boy's face wrinkles as he gives pete the once over.

"you look like a stupid dog waiting outside like that." he wordlessly follows macau into the room, eyes tailing the younger theerapanyakul as he settles back into the couch chair and picks up the textbook he left on the arm of it. every fibre of his being drags his gaze to vegas. now, without the limited view of the glass panel of the room door, pete sees that near lifeless body that’s haunted him these past few days. the pallor of his skin a fading grey, darken circles around his sunken eyes and no colour to the lips pete knew the taste of all too well. no nightmare was worse than this reality.

it takes too much of pete's willpower and self-restraint to tear his eyes away from vegas. what can he say, someone (lying on death's door) taught him that he was a sucker for pain. but eventually, he's able to turn back to macau, who has become engrossed in his giant medical science textbook. the young boy scribbles away as he annotates the pages, concentration weaving through his brows.

"you haven't been back home," pete starts, throat dry and itching to sew itself shut like a good bodyguard who doesn't speak out of turn. he swallows his nerves back down and continues, "have you been somewhere safe?"

no answer.

"i'm sure your uncle and cousins are worried."

macau's face distorts in disgust and honestly, pete should have known better that would never work.

"and i don't think vegas would want anything to happen to you."

the pen in the young boy's hand stops writing. he exhales sharply and slams the pen into the book. he doesn't look at pete as he says, "i said you can come in, not that you can talk."

pete tightens his hands into fists and tries to breathe evenly. a thought drills into his head - he doesn't take orders anymore. he is a free man. he is- his minnd goes back to vegas. the only person who's ever seen him, who's allowed to see him. there's only one person pete exists to now.

"i don't work for your family anymore."

that does it. macau jerks his head up, his eyes a smouldering pit of danger as the blood burns through his veins. there's that anger pete knows all too well. in that split second, macau looked just like his brother.

"you never worked for my family." macau spits out, rage flicking like acid as it lands right before pete's feet.

the desire to argue dissipates. his confidence deflating in the blink of the eye as he relegates back to his observer role where all he did was smile his way out of any situation.

"you're right. i'm sorry." he apologises, weary and yet, firm. he was sorry about being wrong, but he was not sorry about everything.

macau replies, just as tired, "get out."

pete obeys. macau was too similar to his brother.

---

it was around 8pm when macau could see the nurses hovering around outside, ready to kick him out. tthe young boy sighs and packs up his things, tucking the textbook snug against his elbow. he walks out of the room and bows to the nurses before making his way to the exit. he's taken back by surprise when the hospital doors open and he's greeted by a gust of cold air. it's pouring. and macau didn't bring an umbrella.

there's another surprise waiting for him when he sees a black umbrella open up next to him. he turns to see pete.

"macau stay at mine for tonight."

for a second, confusion flashed across the young man's face before it settles into a deep look of disdain.

he scoffs, "you're really as stupid as you look."

"macau please-"

"why? why do you care? just leave me and my brother alone."

pete catches it. the the throughlines of every negative human emotion known to man comes naturally to the minor family. but one line was deeper than the others, redder too. and the theerapanyakuls sucked at subtlety.

he grabs onto macau's arm before the young boy can step into the rain. macau jerks at the sudden contact and that anger lights up in his eyes again. but pete knows better.

"macau, i would never take your brother away from you."

macau seizes in his hold as his mouth opens in shock. in a single second, pete has reached into the deepest parts of him and flayed him open for the world to see. his all laid bared in front of the man he least wanted to show even an inch of himself to. he rips his arm back, turning petulantly to face away from pete. he inhales shakily, his shoulders trembling.

"why?" he starts, quietly. too quiet.

macau had no memories of his mother. for as long as he had been alive, he's only had vegas. and when his older brother isn't there, macau feels the darkness call to him, like the only friend he's capable of keeping around. but even death wanted something from him. that cocktail of misery, pain and loneliness has proven to be lethal and every time macau feels himself blacking out, his brother is there to place the only string of light in this night sky that seemed to last forever.

macau was always scared vegas would leave one day. he'd always knew it was a possibility in the family business. but never did he think vegas might leave because there was someone else he could make room for in his heart. that could only mean that vegas would no longer hold macau there. and that single light would be taken away and given to someone else, plunging macau into that darkness he was so terrified of.

hopelessness floods his voice, "what's stopping you? what's stopping anyone? it's not like i can do anything."

"macau, vegas loves you more than anything-"

"more than you?"

pete stops. he wasn't the only one that could fish monsters out from the deep dark.

"y-you know?"

macau turns to him just before he can mask the fear in his eyes. he catches it immediately. hook, line and sinker.

"i know hia went to the safehouse. i know you were there with him." macau stops, his breathing now seething with anger. he clenches his hands into a fist. "i know you broke his heart."

of all people, pete never thought it would be macau. never thought it would be the young boy at the sidelines who would be the first to know about him, vegas and that fucking safehoue. it should have died with him all the way to his early grave, like that stupid hedgehog.

"i know even after you left him, he still wanted you. he still loved you, even after what you did to him."

pete's losing air, like he's back at the safehoue. like he's helpless, at the mercy of a man who has only ever wanted to hurt him and pete let them. every single one of them, pete let them hurt him again and again. and that searing pain that squeezes his heart like a vice taught him that there were things more painful than than black eyes, broken bones and cut skin.

macau had that look in his eyes. of pain, anger and hatred that had been suppressed until the capillaries bursted and he was blind to anything other than vengeance. that wild, crazy look in his eyes that screamed for blood. macau scoffs as he comes to a realisation and his gaze solidifies as he looks at pete like he's trash. the final, fatal strike of the belt.

"hah you're just like phaw."

and with that, macau runs off into the rain with pete's heart crushed between his hands.

[temporalbystander]

Okay so. This blog is my AU. I've done prompts before asking for interactions to other characters so I could show that I know how they work. Hell I wrote a story centred around Adrien having no idea what a period is, and I thought I got the character well, and Faybon wasn't even in that one. I wrote two stories based around Marinette discovering Faybon writes fanfiction and I only had Faybon chime in at the end of the second one. My point? I know I can write them. The amount of works from their points of view that will never see the light of day seems pretty in line with all the works I praise. So now? Now we test my theory. Below the cut, I present to you, the first chapter of the AU I mentioned before. Written entirely from Marinette's perspective.

Marinette had barely managed to get herself out of bed today, had it not been for the worried look her parents gave when she finally entered the bakery she probably would have tried to act sick. Wouldn't be hard, the crushing weight of what another day of school would bring, the fear that one slip up could lead to her being akumatised, the loneliness that twisted her stomach and made it hard to keep any food down... All of it was hidden behind a fake smile as she put a croissant in her mouth and headed to school.

Despite the rush she was in as she left, and how close she actually lived to lycee, she still slowed and waited as she passed the school doors. Dark red jacket tightly wrapped around her as she took a deep breath to try and steady herself. Only when the bell rings did she move, rushing up the stairs and into her classroom just as it finished.

Marinette didn't acknowledge Ms Bustier as she started up towards her seat. She ignored all the looks she was sure she was getting as she walked passed her classmates. The smug grin from Lila as she clung to Adrien's arm, the anger from Chloe that simmered whenever the two of them were in the same room. She even ignored the looks of pity she got from Alya and the other girls, saddened at the loss of the ones who could have been her friends, before she finally took one of the few remaining empty seats.

It was always a strange moment when she sat down at the start of the day, barely holding back a sigh of relief once she got her books out. Here she felt safe, momentarily at least since that feeling never lasted while at school, next to one of the few, if not only, person who tolerated her presence.

Not looking at him, unwilling to risk the peace they had built since she had been forced to move to the back of the class, Marinette just flicked up her hood and waited for the inevitable. It didn't take long. As soon as class officially started the first spitball smacked into the side of her hood and fell on to her page. She honestly never expected Kim to be so childish but him, like everyone else, had been turned against her following the sheer hatred Chloe directed her way.

Pulling the strings to close her hood a little more, once again glad she'd spent the time on it and that she no longer kept her hair in pigtails that stuck out from the sides and made it so much easier for the wads of paper to stick, she had just brushed her page clear when the next one struck. The way it caught just on the edge and made spit fly into her face caused her to flinch slightly, Kim's aim was unfortunately improving.

Still, she would endure, she had before. Plus it's not like getting upset would change anything. Moving her paper she was startled by the sudden movement of her seatmate, not only had he moved his paper, his shoulders tensing for some unknown reason, but he actually moved closer to her. "Would you mind swapping with me? The sun glare is giving me a headache."

The whispered request almost sent Marinette into shock. Never, in all their time at the same school, had Faybon spoken to her. Sure he'd given her a sad smile when she initially moved next to him but that had been months ago. And yes, she'd always had this strange feeling, in the moments where she could observe him without him noticing, that he strived to be as invisible and unobtrusive as possible. That something was holding him back from interacting with the rest of the class. She never questioned it, never questioned him or the bland greys he wore every day. She was just thankful for the peace his presence provided.

Now, for the first time, he was offering her something more? Worried that he'd rescind the offer, and not knowing how long she'd been in shock for, Marinette started to frantically grab her stuff only to freeze at the confused look Faybon was giving her. Her mind instantly went to dread. Had she misunderstood him? Was he asking for something else? Before she could put any of those worries into words Faybon just picked up his things, stood up from the bench and gestured at her to slide over. Something she quickly did, praying that the embarrassment wasn't showing so clearly on her face.

Faybon sat down with a sigh and a smile. "Much better. Thanks." Unable to respond, not knowing how she could get her lips to form any words at the moment, Marinette just started writing down what was on the board, heart pounding as she waited for the other shoe to fall. For him to ask to switch back so Kim could torment her some more.

The request never came. Just like every other day the two of them just worked in silence but, unlike every other day, this silence was far from comfortable. Marinette was fully aware of every movement Faybon made, the sound of his pen against the paper echoed in her ear, the ruffling of his shirt as it brushed her jacket almost made her heart stop, so certain was she that anything she did would cause him to rescind this small bit of, dare she say it, friendship he was giving her. Eventually though the class ended and, her ability bolstered by all the 'interruptions' she had to deal with, her work was done to the standard it had always been, if a bit shaky here and there.

As the rest of the students shuffled out, she was once again shocked by how Faybon continued to sit there. Was he waiting for her to say something? Should she say something? Should she thank him for the seat swap or would that be too much? Once more she was unable to say anything and it wasn't until Faybon turned and seemed surprised that she was still there that allowed her to relax. Guess he'd just gotten lost in thought, that headache must be serious then. "Oh I'm sorry, was I blocking you in?" He asked sounding a little guilty. She wanted to say that it was no big deal, that she could have gone around him, but he didn't let her respond. "Sorry, I don't like rushing, I prefer to move at my own pace." Grabbing his stuff Faybon started walking down the stairs before Marinette could say anything. She was glad when he paused and turned back to her. "If it's not too much trouble could I ask you to stay swapped with me just in case? The sun's only just started bothering me recently so I may need to get glasses or something."

Guess that proved her right about the headache but, from the way he was looking at her so easily? She doubted glasses had anything to do with it. Still, Marinette had to answer him. "I don't mind…" Her voice was quieter than she had intended and she had no idea if Faybon could tell how relieved she was that he was actually being serious with her. That thought alone gave her enough courage to press further, to hope even being as scared as she was. "Umm… should we do the same for our other classes as well?" If he said yes then maybe, just maybe, she could relax.

There was a moment of hesitation as something flashed across his face, before his body relaxed and he smiled at her, a full, genuine, smile. "Thank you. I thought it would be rude to ask but I would greatly appreciate it." Faybon's voice was filled with its own relief and gratitude. Something that pushed Marinette beyond her limit to deal with.

"Great, gotta go, anytime." She rushed out, unsure if her voice even reached him as she left the class, determined to get to the safety of her room so she could figure out what was going on.

Her parents didn't like her coming home during breaks, they worried about what it meant for her at school and whether it would be better if she went somewhere else. Unable to disagree with how right they were, but unwilling to let Chloe win, Marinette instead kept to the excuse of having left something in her room. Given how prone she was to sleeping in, and how scattered she was at the best of times, it was an excuse that always seemed to work. And was only an excuse half the time anyways.

Grabbing something quickly from the kitchen, along with a groan of exasperation, that wasn't at all faked thanks to her current thoughts, Marinette moved passed her chuckling parents as she went to her room, closing the trapdoor and letting out an even louder groan as she collapsed into her computer chair. "What is going on?" She exclaimed as she placed her head on her arms.

"Well, he's being nice to you, that's a good thing right?" Came the sweet comforting voice of the only reason Marinette was still sane.

Turning to look at the cute flying bundle next to her, Marinette just let out another groan. "But why now Tikki? What's changed? Is this some big prank like with Kim or something else?" Tikki was a godsend for Marinette. She could deal with the stress of school, of being alone, of Chloe and Lila, as long as she had Tikki by her side.

"Do you really think Faybon would do something like that?" The red and black little ball asked as she flew closer to rest a caring hand on Marinette's cheek. "Even if he was, why would he wait so long?" She continued, antenna twitching in concern as she looked at the stressed teen.

"I don't know Tikki, I don't know anything right now." She said with a grumble, her elbow bumping her mouse and turning on her computer screen to the last page she had been looking at. Glancing up and seeing the ladyblog post on Titania and Chat Noir, Marinette's stomach twisted even more. Quickly turning the computer off she sat up and turned away, unwilling to look the theories proposed on why the two terrorists of Paris wanted her Miraculous so bad.

She supposed that was one downside to Tikki. Sure she loved her kwami dearly but dealing with the constant akuma's and fighting Chat Noir all the time took its toll. She honestly couldn't imagine how hard it would be keeping all that a secret from her friends.

Seeing her holder spiralling Tikki quickly flew in front of her face to get her attention again. "Well, what do you know about him?" She asked, hoping for it to be a big enough distraction. "You've sat next to him long enough, and you've said you saw him around school before that. So.... Think it through."

Taking a deep breath to steady her nerves, Marinette closed her eyes and nodded. "Right. Just think of it like my lucky charm. What do I know?" Frowning she opened her eyes again. "Honestly? Not that much." Maybe that wasn't completely unexpected, given that today was the first time they'd spoken, but it still struck her as kind of... Sad. Especially given what she did know.

"Don't worry about that. Just go through what you do." Tikki prompted with a smile, as encouraging as always.

Taking another deep breath Marinette started again. "Well... Superficially? He's quiet, keeps to himself, and dresses as neutrally as possible." Hearing Tikki giggle at that brought a smile to her face as well.

"So not one for attention then."

"Well yes and know." She continued as she thought about it. "He doesn't go out of his way for the spotlight but it never seemed like he was uncomfortable about it." Marinette paused, thinking back on what Rose revealed about Faybon being an orphan back when prince Ali invited her along on his guide to Paris. The next day, after word had gotten around, he'd just shrugged at everyone who confronted him and said he was used to it. In fact...

"What is it Marinette?" Tikki asked after a moment of silence. She knew that look, it was the same look she always got when on the verge of solving a puzzle.

"I'm not sure..." She said hesitantly, scared of what this realisation might mean. "But I think he has a history with Chloe, quite possibly Adrien as well."

"In what way?" Now Tikki was confused. She had only been with Marinette since the start of the year, and had spent the majority of the schooling in her purse. If it weren't for school photos or the frequent Akuma's Tikki probably wouldn't even know what half the class looked like.

"Well for starters, neither Adrien or Chloe seemed shocked to find out Faybon was an orphan." Marinette explained, thinking back on that day. "I mean maybe Adrien's lack of reaction was because he was still new and really hadn't interacted with him much but Chloe? Chloe's the type to use that to her advantage should she need it and yet, not a word from her about it." That on its own was odd. "Then there's the fact that he was asked to check in on Zoe yesterday. And he agreed."

"So he's not scared of Chloe then? That's good right?" 6000 years old but Tikki still had trouble understanding humans some times.

"No. Whenever the two are forced to interact he definitely seems reluctant." Anyone would be reluctant to deal with Chloe but Faybon? "Normally he doesn't let anyone faze him. Today was probably the best read I've gotten on what he was feeling and that's because he's sick. If I were to put a word to it? Id say she terrifies him, yet when it comes to Zoe? He's all confident about her again." It didn't make sense. Why would he switch back and forth?

"Well..." Hearing the normally calm kwami hesitate caught Marinette's attention immediately. The way Tikki shifted under the intense observation cemented the thought. Whatever she'd come up with? It was serious. "You said Chloe was the type to use something like being an orphan against someone right?" Marinette nodded, waiting, even as her stomach started to sink. "Well... What if she has?"

The conversation ended there, neither of them wanting to consider just what Chloe was holding over Faybon's head and, whether or not it was responsible for his sudden change in personality. If it was, was it in favour of Marinette or against her?

Heading back to school once lunch was over, Marinette took her seat by the window of their science class, just like her and Faybon agreed, only to be slightly shocked when he didn't appear soon after. In fact, everyone else had arrived by the time Chloe stomped angrily into the room, ignoring Sabrina's concern as she huffed and glared at the door. Walking through it was Faybon, staring at Chloe almost coldly before turning towards their seats. When he saw Marinette near the window he smiled in a way that both warmed her heart and twisted her stomach. He was serious about being friendly, that was clear, but Tikki had been right. Chloe had something over him, what could he possibly be risking for her? And why her? Marinette didn't know. But, until she did, she would be keeping her guard up.

[fleshevter]

How does your Elder Scrolls worship work? What got you into pop culture work?

i am SO glad you asked, cuz i feel like it's actually a very interesting story! at the very least, i've been through a lot of ups and downs, and definitely a lot of extremes when it comes to deity work at all, so it really excites me to talk about my journey~

it began when i realized that i believed in multiverse theory-- well, i believed in it for quite a long time. moreso it began when i realized i could utilize that belief in my craft.

now let me tell you, i have hours upon hours stacked in different elder scrolls games. i've played them since i was little and i love them. if you can't tell, i'm autizzle fo rizzle and this behemoth of a story is my special interest.

i started out trying to work with azura. i was always so amazed by how beautiful her statue was in skyrim, and when she comes to speak to you in eso through the dunmer that starts glowing with her radiance, i was in awe. "and she's one of the good daedra too!", i thought (which i now understand after years of studying to be a very flawed mindset).

but it was so strange. everything felt so empty. and there came a time where i began contemplating the darker sides of magic as a whole. life, death, beyond, the in between, all of it. nothing more than a simple interest. but all of a sudden...

a stained glass portrait i had made for azura shattered on its altar. just out of nowhere. i never saw it happen, but as far as i could tell, it didn't fall over, nor did something fall on it. just, crack. in pieces. i still hold onto the pieces, something just keeps me from getting rid of them, but...

i no longer felt emptiness in that moment, but instead felt deep rejection. it was horridly strong. it reminded me of being a kid and not getting picked for dodgeball. just this pang of extreme loneliness and rejection and sadness.

everything else in my life had begun shattering in that moment as well. a horrible breakup, i was teetering on alcoholism, among some other very bad self destructive habits that i won't go into details with. i was spiraling. both my mental and physical disabilities got really out of hand.

but then i had a very strange dream while meditating one night. i dreamed about a broken down mausoleum, and when i went inside, a swarm of rats all began climbing on top of each other to form a bigger rat, kind of like those schools of fish that cluster to make bigger fish. they didn't talk to me, but just stared at me.

fast forward. at this point, i was extremely manic, so my memories of this time are hazy. i took a trip to visit a friend of mine in another state. well, we're not just friends anymore and now i'm living with him. we're very happy. but anyway.

i started to notice... bugs. everywhere. not like an infestation in the house, but they just kinda... get in. which is very normal here. what isn't normal, however, is how relaxed they were with me. while my partner always got nervous around them, they willingly crawl into my hands so i can let them outside. which, for things like roaches and spiders, is FUCKING WEIRD (though i'm sure i don't have to mention that).

so, i picked up UESP, an elder scrolls lore wiki where you can read the various books in the game, and started digging through some daedric passages again. and i became transfixed by this specific passage...

"Khenarthi has forsaken you. But I haven't. There's a place in the Dark for all you cast off, forgotten souls." —Namiira

In Khajiiti lore, Khenarthi is a goddess who delivers souls to Azurah. I about lost my mind reading this.

Then I started reading texts like Beggar Prince, realized that Namira isn't only watered down to a goddess of secluded cannibals and that only a few people choose to worship her in that way, that Namira is focused on those who are rejected by society...

And it just clicked.

Now, any time I call to her for guidance or assistance in my magic endeavors, i find little traces of her presence, like bugs that are a little too friendly. Just recently, I had an encounter with a house spirit that was getting a little too rowdy, and I called to her to help settle his shit. And when I was calming down from the encounter, a little roach just crawled over and rested next to my foot. She really knows how to show that she's there...

So now, I show my devotion to her by studying and documenting various texts of her (both from Khajiiti culture and Reachman culture), i keep my space a little disorganized to show devotion to her, and I also like to (safely) keep jars of rot. You know... throw a fruit in a jar and watch it decay over time. (This is perfectly safe so long as the jars are sealed correctly! I make sure I do this with care, so don't worry!) And while I won't be eating people any time soon, I consume in her honor. I sure do like my food, and she seems to like that a lot.

And for once, I feel... fulfilled.

While life is excruciatingly difficult, I find comfort in The Great Darkness and I am so proud to say that Lady Namira is the one I look toward.

I am so sorry that was so long. I'm just really happy to finally be able to tell my story. :)